Episode 318: Secrets to Success in Business and Relationships with Paul C. Brunson
In a world filled with noise and content overload, it can be challenging for entrepreneurs to cut through the clutter and connect with their target audience. However, according to relationship expert and TV host Paul C. Brunson, the key to successful content creation lies in delivering high-quality content that speaks directly to the pain points of your audience.
In this episode, Adam Stott interviews Paul C. Brunson, a relationship expert and TV host. Paul shares his journey from being an entrepreneur to becoming one of the top relationship experts in the world. He discusses the importance of curiosity, confidence, and the obsession with becoming better. Paul also talks about his experience on TV shows like “Married at First Sight” and “Celebs Go Dating” and the impact of creating content that speaks to the pain points of his audience.
Paul encourages entrepreneurs to focus on the quality, not the quantity, of their content and to identify and address the specific pain points of their customers. By doing so, entrepreneurs can create impactful content, build strong relationships, and ultimately achieve success in their respective industries.
Show Highlights:
- Curiosity and confidence are key traits of successful individuals
- Building relationships and delivering quality content that speaks to the pain points of your audience is crucial for success
- Importance of focusing on the quality of your content rather than the quantity
- Identifying your customer avatar and understanding their specific pain points is essential for creating effective content
- Providing hope to your audience can be a powerful way to connect with them
Links Mentioned:
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Watch the Episode on Adam’s YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/adamstottcoach?el=Pod
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Transcript:
Please note this is a verbatim transcription from the original audio and therefore may include some minor grammatical errors.
[00:00:00] Adam Stott: First off, a couple of years ago, we were running an event in a Millennium Glass. They invited this person down to come do the event and was absolutely stunned with the amount of energy they brought to the table. The stories that they told told a fantastic story about working with Oprah Winfrey becoming one of the biggest names in, America in relationships before being invited over to the UK and becoming a big star in the UK.
[00:00:30] And our guest today is currently on TV right now every night in the UK. Hosting for many of you’s favorite relationship program, Married at First Sight. Any of you watching that right now? Yeah, raise your hands if you’re watching that. Yeah. Okay, lots of you. So, yeah, Paul Brunson is going to be joining us today.
[00:00:49] So the host of Married at First Sight the host of Celebs Go Dating also known as one of the most gorgeous men in the UK, right? So apart from me, you know,
[00:01:04] he’s runner up, I think, in the polls at the minute, right? But yeah, no, Paul is an absolutely incredible guy. He’s had such a… a huge career in business has achieved some amazing things in the UK and I’m really looking forward to welcome him on today. Nick, do you want to see if he’s are they in the house?
[00:01:23] Maybe. So he’s here. I’ve just been outside for half hour, so don’t worry. But yeah, no, Paul is an incredible guy. He’s just written a brilliant book. Which I’m sure he’ll tell us a little bit about, which is all about finding the right partner. One of the number one relationship experts in the world has also been somebody that’s a huge content creator a mentor and coach for LinkedIn.
[00:01:50] So, LinkedIn’s one of one of LinkedIn’s preferred mentors for coaching people. An incredible guy had some massive success. Has built multiple different companies, took a company public as well. So he’s got a huge array of success. So it’s going to be when he comes in a moment, we’re going to give him a level 50 gold circle standing ovation round of applause.
[00:02:11] Does that sound good, everybody? Yes or no team. And his energy is phenomenal. So I’m really looking forward to welcome him on. So we’re ready.
[00:02:23] So I wonder if we could all stand. Yeah. Okay, let’s give a big level 20 round of applause to the one, the only, Paul
[00:02:32] Brunson, everybody! Let’s keep it high!
[00:02:48] How you doing, my man? Welcome.
[00:02:54] Paul C Brunson: What’s up, good people? Hey there. Hey there. Hey there. Hey there. Hey there. Hey there. Oh wow. Look at this. I love it. How’s everyone? Great. Good. Yeah. This is the very excited side. This is the very analytical side. I like it.
[00:03:16] Adam Stott: Yeah. Brilliant. Well, welcome Paula. Absolutely brilliant to have you here. I’ve always said.
[00:03:21] That since we first had you over a couple of years ago, I think now that you’ve been my favorite speaker. Oh my goodness. Of all time. From all the speakers we’ve ever had. I think you were there, Sunil. You were there, weren’t you?
[00:03:35] So welcome. And obviously doing an amazing job at the moment on Married at First Sight.
[00:03:39] And I’m sure we might have some questions around that later on, but you’ve got this massive background as of being an entrepreneur lifted yourself up and built your own journey on the way up, which is pretty incredible. Many people won’t know that story and the kind of successes that you’ve had in business done some great things in matchmaking.
[00:03:58] Maybe take us back and tell us a little bit about that early journey. How did you become one of the number one relationship experts in the world? How did you get these TV spots? End up working with Oprah Winfrey, writing you, but having all the success. Where did we start from?
[00:04:13] Paul C Brunson: Oh, my gosh. Well, it started in 1980 in New York.
[00:04:19] Yeah, but one, can I say is, Adam, thank you for the invite. This is truly an honor. Anytime you have an opportunity to tell your story. To a group, especially of high performing entrepreneurs, it’s a privilege. So, so thank you, truly, it’s an honor to be here. A lot of people don’t know this about me here.
[00:04:36] So when I got to the UK five years ago, I like reverse engineer it. I came over because I was given an invitation to co host a show called Celebs Go Dating. And then I co hosted that show and then from there I was given an invitation to co host a show called Married at First Sight. And then I was given an opportunity to have a segment on Lorraine.
[00:04:56] And so what ended up happening is that… I was coming to the U. K., going back to the U. S., coming to the U. K., going back to the U. S. But by the time I got to the U. K., I had sold off my business in the United States. And so, the U. K. really saw me as, you’re just the relationship guy. You’re just the matchmaker guy.
[00:05:15] But, in the United States, I was considered the relationship… Business guy and the reason why is because I have an MBA went to business school. I went to Georgetown I started as an investment banker. I’ve built two very large businesses one that’s still in place right now It does over 40 million u. s. Not pounds, but close But it is the largest for profit University in Washington DC called BAU University, right?
[00:05:41] So these are some of the things that I’ve done on the business. I was a business columnist for USA Today so I’ve done the business side, but then also the relationship side, because I built a matchmaking agency as well. But I think, ultimately, where it probably began is it began, quite honestly, when I read a book called Why Should White Guys Have All The Fun?
[00:06:06] Ha! Has anyone ever heard of this book? No. Ha! I needed a white guy to say yes! Yes. Oh, you’ve heard of this book? Oh, well, okay. Did you read the book? Okay. Okay. What did you think of the book?
[00:06:27] Yes, very well. I agree. The title is inflammatory, right? It is. It is a black man on the cover smoking this massive cigar. And I remember walking into the bookstore when I was in college with my then girlfriend. And I looked at that book and I said, Oh my God. This is the wildest title I’ve ever seen in my life, right?
[00:06:49] It was loud. And I asked my girlfriend to buy the book for me because I didn’t have enough money to buy the book. But she was like, he wants to read, so I’m gonna buy this. This is good, right? It turned out that at 18 years old, that was the first book I had ever read in my life cover to cover. First book cover to cover was that particular book.
[00:07:11] And the book was about an entrepreneur named Reginald Lewis. Anyone heard of Reginald Lewis in this room? Oh, come on now! I thought I’m in a room full of entrepreneurs! Alright, you must write this down. Reginald Lewis. At the time, Reginald Lewis was, he was actually the first person ever to attend Harvard University without taking the LSAT.
[00:07:34] You know this because you’ve read the book. He also created the largest leverage buyout firm. in the world. Let me repeat that. The largest leverage buyout firm in the world. Right? So, he did all these incredible things. At the time of his death, he was the wealthiest African American and the book was just basically about how you can apply these basic business principles to not just build your business, but how you can create systems for yourself to basically You know, build yourself into an entrepreneur, and that’s exactly what I took from the book, and so as soon as I read the book, I saw how Reginald Lewis had a mantra that he wrote in his room, right, so I wrote my own mantra, you know, this is what I’m gonna do, I saw how he would make his bed in the morning, I’m gonna make my bed in the morning, I saw how he would focus on physical fitness.
[00:08:29] Why? Because he said your body is your vessel. You need to be there, right? So I’m gonna focus on physical fitness. All of these things that Reginald Lewis was doing, I was doing. But in particular, what I love most about Reginald Lewis, to be quite honest, is he had a home in New York, a home in France, a home, like he had homes everywhere.
[00:08:48] And I quite honestly became mesmerized by the wealth. And I always say this early on as my path To entrepreneurship and what attracted me, I think, was For me because I don’t want to make a values judgment, but for me it turned out not to be the right path I was focused on the money. I was focused on I wanted to buy a Rolex.
[00:09:09] I’ll never forget it I wanted to buy a Rolex and I wanted to buy a BMW when I got out of undergrad. That was my focus. If I can just have a Rolex and a BMW, I was good. And it turned out that I bought a fake Rolex and I bought a used BMW, right? So I was winning. For free, Clive. Not really. But when I got out of university, my first endeavor into entrepreneurship is I created a company called Animal Spot.
[00:09:39] It was a software management company. So what we did is we designed So we, in the United States, I guess here you have animal shelters so in the U S we have animal shelters, but they had a hard time managing the data in the animal shelters because you have all the animals coming in. There’s health issues.
[00:09:57] There’s people that are adopting, et cetera. So we would design software. We would provide the software for free to the animal shelter and then we would take the data and we would sell the data to pet food manufacturers and pharmaceutical companies. That was the first company that I raised money for.
[00:10:14] And I’ll never forget it. I, how I raised it was, I was literally at a dinner with an investor and it was one of those where he wrote on a napkin how much he was going to invest. He vested, 100, 000 into the business and what did I, what was, of course, my focus was money. So what do you think I did at the moment that he invested that money or he said he would invest?
[00:10:34] What was I thinking? Newbie well, not close, but what was I thinking? I bought the fake Rolex. No, I had the fake Rolex when I went to that meeting. I was just thinking what my net worth was. It was, to me, it, no, when I look back it was stupid. But quite honestly, I’ll never forget, I ran home, I told my then girlfriend, Who had bought the book for me, who was then more than a girlfriend at that point, I said, look at my valuation.
[00:11:03] I think I’m a millionaire on paper.
[00:11:10] Think about that. It wasn’t a focus on the product. It wasn’t a focus on the service. It wasn’t focused on, it was just a focus on. Wow. Look at this valuation. And so I basically burned through that business. Then from there I went to business school. And then after business school, I got the job that really changed my life.
[00:11:27] And this is an Adam, you know, this story. So after business school, I was hired by a Turkish company slash family called the U gels and they own the largest. educational holding company in the world called Batya Shahir Ura Educational Institutions. And what that job allowed me to do is so they hired me to essentially be their investment banker.
[00:11:51] So to purchase businesses in the United States, English language schools universities, et cetera, right? And that Experience changed my life because it allowed me to work for someone that gave me insights more than an MBA could give me. I literally watched this person go from being worth a couple hundred million dollars to being worth over a billion dollars.
[00:12:16] And I watched how he built a business, not the way that we would typically do it in the western world, but how it’s done in the eastern world. And I started to understand that. Just because it’s not done the Western way doesn’t mean it’s not the right way. And I learned so much from that experience.
[00:12:33] And I worked for him for five years. And as I worked with him, I was so enthralled with what he was doing as a billionaire that I started journaling. And I would journal what I saw him do. He would do phenomenal things and I would journal it. Then… I left that job, fast forward, we can get to the specifics of it, but I then was hired by Oprah Winfrey.
[00:12:56] So when I left that job, and it’s a long story, but I’ll just keep it short, is I was hired by Oprah Winfrey. And when I was hired by Oprah Winfrey, I then started to journal all of the traits I saw Oprah, all of the characteristics of Oprah Winfrey. And what, to my amazement, Oprah Winfrey. and Enver Ugel had very similar characteristics.
[00:13:22] And I started, and you could see how my focus was always on how can I become better? It was, you know, I, it was no longer about the money. It was, I just want to be as, I want to be as badass as possible. And how can I be that way? And I would see them do things, like for example, Enver and Oprah all the time, they would, have you ever heard of a book called Never Eat Alone?
[00:13:47] Okay, some of y’all, okay. Never eat alone. Who’s read that book? Raise your hand. Because I heard somebody say, yep, so now I’m going to put you on the spot. Who read it? Ah, see, nobody’s read it now! Ha! Yeah, there you go. I like, that was a very relaxed
[00:14:01] ahhh! Okay. Okay. That’s fair. That’s fair. From that tiny bit, what do you remember from the book?
[00:14:08] Adam Stott: Get involved, have conversations with people and, just not wander around on your own. Okay. That was my bit.
[00:14:15] Paul C Brunson: Okay. Yep. That’s it, in essence. So, let me unpack it a little bit. Cause that was slick. The book says never eat alone.
[00:14:23] That was good. That was good. I’m with you though. That was very good. That was very good. But, you know what? One thing is, I respect you holding your hand up. Right? I respect that, right? And that’s something that I definitely would love for us to get to, but the book is written by a gentleman by the name of Keith Ferrazzi.
[00:14:42] Keith Ferrazzi. One of my favorite books, too. Never Eat Alone. And in essence, what he says is he says that the greatest opportunities that we have in life come from our weakest ties. This is research by Robin Dunbar. here in the UK, recently wrote the book Friends, and also by a Stanford professor by the name of Mark Granovetter, right?
[00:15:03] The greatest opportunities we have is our weakest ties, not our closest ties. So if Adam and I are close buddies, we’re not going to give each other the most opportunity. Instead, you sir, if I just met you, your name is? Steve. If I’ve just met Steve’s greatest opportunity is going to come from me and my greatest opportunity is going to come from Steve.
[00:15:23] Now Steve, why would that be the case? Why would our greatest opportunity come from us, who we’ve just met?
[00:15:29] Adam Stott: No preconceptions about you or what, who you know, or who your contacts are, etc. Whereas with Adam I’ll pre judge, I would say. Okay. He’s been a client since two He’s been here the longest out of anyone in the room.
[00:15:47] He joined in 2016, and he’s been here for, what, eight years, so, and he’s done very well.
[00:15:58] Paul C Brunson: Steve, I love you. Seems like all of, everyone Adam knows sucks. I don’t wanna, know about Adam’s stuff. Yeah but… So to that point, yes, you would have some judgment, but also the fact is that your network and my network, we have never tapped into those at all.
[00:16:17] And there’s a good chance I would guess, Steve, that we have different networks. Yep. Right. Yep. So that means more opportunity. For you, for me, for your network, for my network, right? This, in a very technical way, is called nodes. We would be a super node. That’s what Mark Renovator says. I’m a nerd, I’m sorry.
[00:16:37] But so, we would be nodes, right? We would be the bridgeway, the gateway to each other’s… Networks. Yep. Right? So the point of Keith Ferrazzi’s book is that this is where the greatest opportunity comes from. It comes from meeting new people, breaking bread, eating with them. Oprah Winfrey and Enver Yücel would do this all of the time.
[00:16:58] I get a call from Enver Yücel. He lives in Istanbul. He’d say, Paul, I’m coming to New York. I would like for you to arrange the following. I want to meet with Senator, at that time, Senator Hillary Rodham… Rodham Clinton. I want to meet with the CEO of Washington Post. I want to meet with the with oh yeah, Michael Jordan plays for the Wizards.
[00:17:17] I want to meet for Michael Jordan, right? He’d have this extravagant list of people he would want me to go out and put together at that dinner table. And I would be at Hillary Rodham Clinton’s office knocking on the door. Like literally you can go to Capitol Hill at that time. You can knock on the door.
[00:17:33] So. Would I put together that exact group? No. But the point is that he would want to have a group of the most diverse, but people who are high performing in their respective industries. Oprah would do the same thing. We would literally be at a dinner. When I was working with Oprah, there was something that were called upfronts where you were selling a show.
[00:17:55] You’d have to travel around the United States and have dinner with different advertising agents. Oprah would have at her table. She would have you know, some R and B singer. She’d have some, you know, multimillionaire entrepreneur. She’d have some incredible physician. She’d have this group of people at the table who she’s meeting at the first time.
[00:18:15] Now, why do you think they did that? Why did they do that?
[00:18:23] Okay, you said exposure, see each other’s networks. So let me dig deep. Exposure to what? To who? To new networks. Different knowledge. Different people. Who said different knowledge? Different knowledge. I’m sorry? Opportunity, right? They were getting all of that. All of that. The lesson I learned from them was that most of us, we get the news from where?
[00:18:51] The newspaper, where does Oprah Winfrey and Enver Ugyal get the news from? From the people who are making the news. That moved me when I saw that. The people who are making the news, right? The knowledge, exposure, etc. Now, does that mean that we can’t, can we replicate that? Absolutely! And that’s the beauty of gatherings like this.
[00:19:17] Adam, you’re replicating that right now, right? So, long story short, Still in the Oprah days. So started working with with Oprah chronicling this. As I was working with Oprah I launched my matchmaking business. And my wife and I say I, cause really my wife, funded my matchmaking business.
[00:19:37] And I always tell the story, it’s very important, is that when we started the matchmaking business, we, you know, the importance of using capital is incredibly important when you’re launching a business. You all know this. My wife liquidated her retirement fund. In order for us to start the matchmaking business.
[00:19:55] And at that time, everyone said she was crazy. Right? But it turned out that it was a great investment. And so she funded that. We grew the matchmaking business. It became the largest boutique matchmaking business in the United States. We sold that in 2016 but I didn’t get out until 2017.
[00:20:13] And then you know, during that time we had launched BAU University. And I came here to you know, I came here and then in between I’ve taught at Parsons. So I’ve you know, entrepreneurship and I’ve taught creators there. So my journey has been one part, like one leg matchmaking, relationship science, one leg just building businesses.
[00:20:34] Sorry for the longest answer,
[00:20:36] Adam Stott: No, it’s fantastic. And that’s the varied ness, isn’t it? Of, of the career that you’ve had and the story of working. I really love the traits. So now I want to sort of ask a question. What other traits are you saw in those two billionaires those specific traits about breaking bread, going to meetings, building that relationship capital.
[00:20:55] Was there anything else, like another one or two traits that you saw from those? It’s super successful people that you felt were common and that you’ve used.
[00:21:04] Paul C Brunson: Good. Alright, this is a good one. I like this. Without a doubt, curiosity in everything. They would ask questions about things that I thought were insignificant.
[00:21:16] So, for example when Enver Yücel, like I said, he lived in Turkey, but whenever he would visit the United States, I remember I was in the car with him once and he pointed and he said what, he said, do you see that? And I said, That’s a curb. He said, no, do you see the height of the curb? I said, yeah.
[00:21:32] He said, you know, in Turkey, the curbs, we don’t have that same height. And then it led into a discussion and research around how in developed, how in, I mean, people can argue, I think Turkey is developed, but how in more developed nations, curbs have higher height. And it is because of water flow. Right? And it’s about, right?
[00:21:56] It’s about flood systems, et cetera, right? But the point is that he was so curious to point out the height, right? So intense curiosity is very important. The other one that I’ve recognized with both of them, and I’ve seen this with Entrepreneurs across the board. So when I was writing for USA Today, my column, and you could still read read the column, it was called Uncommon Drive.
[00:22:23] And what I did is I interviewed the people who I considered to be the world class in your respective job. So I, I interviewed you know, people like you know, Kobe Bryant. Right. That’s pretty cool. World class, right, athlete, without a doubt. I you know, basically, people who are world class, and one thing that’s really interesting is that they’re all incredibly charismatic, and I saw this with Oprah, and I think a key to charisma, being, having great charisma, is a combination of curiosity and confidence.
[00:22:59] It’s kind of like how Steve, he raised his hand, he was like, I don’t really know this answer, but he wants to be in the mix but you know what? I’ve raised the hand. I’m going to step up. I’m going to do this. That’s the level of that’s that level of confidence, but then also to be curious in everything and everyone.
[00:23:19] It’s very important when I’ll never forget. There was one dinner that took place with Oprah and my grandfather had recently passed away. And she, Oprah loves to drink a tequila called Casa de Dragonis. I’ve never had it, only that one time. Does anyone drink this? No, it’s 400 a shot. It’s crazy, right?
[00:23:43] Yeah, it’s no human being really drinks this. You know what I mean? But so she, so, you know, we had a whole bunch of bottles of wine and everyone is mingling because remember it’s that group. It’s all these, you know, different power players. I’m kind of standing off to the side and she walks over and she says, you know, I heard your grandfather passed away.
[00:23:58] You know, sorry to hear this, my condolences. And then she says she was like shots for everyone, right? And so boom, shots come out, right? And then as I’m going through the night, every time she would see me, she would walk over. She’d say, how are you feeling? I said, I’m still on. She would say, shots for everyone, right?
[00:24:16] But the point is that what she was saying is I see you, I recognize you, you are important to me in this moment. That, that, that curiosity mixed with level of importance, I think I’ve seen that, you know, collectively. And then last but not least, I would say this obsession with becoming, wanting to become better.
[00:24:36] You know, this obsession with… I have skills that I need to master and I don’t have to master all skills, but the skills that I’m perfecting, I need to become world class at. And I think there’s a difference between being really good and being world class. And I think the highest performers become world class at a certain set of skills.
[00:24:58] Adam Stott: Love it. So some amazing traits and how have you used those traits? Is there something that you specifically, cause I know from, you know, you, you’re obsessed with the, relationship aspects, aren’t you? I don’t know, do many of you follow, I follow Paul on Instagram, and I love his Instagram stories, right?
[00:25:17] Because they’re constantly like, all about relationships, he’s got lots of polls and quizzes, and I’m always getting them wrong, right? But I’m always like, oh no, I was wrong. But you’re constantly putting, and we talk about content creation in a minute, because it’s very relevant to what we’re talking about today.
[00:25:34] But you’ve got that desire around that one subject to master it. I know that is that coming from what you saw? How do you continue to just keep that discipline again? Better?
[00:25:45] Paul C Brunson: So what I think in the day and age that we live in right now is that we’re over inundated with content, right? And what’s really interesting is that there’s a lot of content that’s just noise, you know, that’s all it is.
[00:25:59] And what’s interesting is that you probably have competitors who create a lot of noise and they get attention from the noise. You can create signal to cut through the noise. And I think the signal that cuts through the noise is when your content is so good that it touches a pain point of your.
[00:26:18] Customer or of your audience member. So the key is that it needs to touch a pain point. And so that’s why I’m fixated on trying to figure out. How I can create content that specifically speaks to my audience in a way that no one else does.
[00:26:33] Adam Stott: And I’ll tell you what, you definitely do that. Your content definitely speaks to the audience in a way that I’ve not, out of all the people I follow, I don’t think anybody does speak to somebody that much.
[00:26:44] And now you’ve said that, I’ve had a Ah, you know, one of those moments. A ha moment. Yeah, I just had a bit of an a ha moment. I didn’t realize that had been your focus. But you’re constantly talking about relationships and, you know, about real pain issues in relationships, aren’t you?
[00:27:01] And the engagement’s massive, right? Yes. So how does, we’ve got a lot of people in the room that do lots of different things and different businesses. And a lot of them would like to get much better at content creation. And that’s something that obviously you’re really good at. You also run the LinkedIn content creation and brand ambassadors.
[00:27:19] What would you say to people? How can they really connect and get much better at that? That content creation, I think would be a really good question for you.
[00:27:27] Paul C Brunson: Yeah, I mean, this is something that we all want to be better at, right? And I think it’s also important to underscore that it’s not about the quantity, it’s about the quality of the views.
[00:27:40] And but I, and I have to share how I got linked up with Oprah. Cause I think this is the best illustration of it. So when my wife and I launched our matchmaking business, this was in 2008, the first thing that we did is we took the money and we started a YouTube series. Now, a lot of you are thinking right now, that was the dumbest idea.
[00:28:01] You could have ever done right at that time. Is that the 100k? Yeah. Yeah. Well, no. That was she had Roughly 40k the retirement. It’s the next one. Yeah. Yeah, so so so we took that and we basically Started funding a youtube series that you could literally go see right now. It’s called the modern day matchmaker Right?
[00:28:22] The modern day matchmaker. Now, I promise you this is no exaggeration at all. We would spend roughly 4, 000 to 5, 000 per video. We would put out a video every week. And that video every week would get about 11 views. 11. No exaggeration. And I knew my mother was watching nine of those times. At least. At least.
[00:28:46] So it was like, my mama was watching, and maybe two or three other people were watching, and that was it. But we would put out that video every week, consistently, and we did that for months. It turns out, one of those views… Was coming from Oprah Winfrey. And that is how I got my job with Oprah. That’s how I got into television.
[00:29:12] Television was not my thing. That’s not what my focus was. I was launching a series to try to create more attention, more eyeballs for my matchmaking business. And then I get a co host job with Oprah. It basically solidified and qualified the business and then the business grew. But then the question becomes, well Paul, how did Oprah find you, right?
[00:29:35] I know you’re thinking that. Yeah, see, you got that. How did she really find you though? Right? How did she find you? Now, this is how she found me. She found me because a year prior when we decided to launch our matchmaking business, we, before we launched and opened our doors, we started taking on pro bono customers.
[00:29:54] So for free, we would take on customers and we would work our ass off for these customers. For free! It was like, who in the room wants matchmaking? I’ll do it for you, right? And literally, that’s what I would do. I would go to conferences. I’m a matchmaker, right? I’ll take, who wants to be my client? I’ll work with you, right?
[00:30:12] And so it turned out that one of the people, she was a writer for O Magazine. I didn’t know this. And one day, she’s on Oprah’s jet. As we all do, ride Oprah’s jet. No, I’ve never been on Oprah’s jet. By the way, when you work for her, you can’t call her Oprah. You call her Miss Winfrey. So Miss Winfrey’s jet.
[00:30:34] And Oprah says, I’m thinking about a new show. I’m looking for a fresh voice in relationships. This woman in the back says, Have you heard of Paul Brunson? Oprah says no. Google. start watching the show. And so the reason why I think that is such an important story is because I think that we are we get over obsessed, the total numbers, how many people are watching, how many comments am I getting?
[00:31:02] What’s the total engagement? Even if you engage with social media agencies. It’s always I want to get you more. I want to get you more. I want to get no, it is about creating specific content that speaks to your customer so that your customer, your audience member, they believe that no one is talking to them the way that you are talking to them.
[00:31:24] And what that does is it moves them through. I’m sure you all know about different marketing funnels. You know, basically it’s Know trust, right? And you can move someone into the position of trust when they feel like you are the only one speaking to them. And it is only when your audience member or your customer Absolutely trusts you that you can then monetize.
[00:31:48] And the beauty is that when you have high trust and when you deliver a product or service that actually serves a need, that’s a customer you could have for life, right? So that’s, that truly I think is, that’s the key. That’s the key.
[00:32:02] Adam Stott: So really building those, that trust based content, speaking to the pain points.
[00:32:07] Yes. And I love what you did with that. You know, the, you kept going. And that series, you said, didn’t get much bigger, did it? You, you started getting 25, 50 views, didn’t you?
[00:32:16] Paul C Brunson: No. It was basically like, 12, 13 it was never, it was embarrassing. As a matter of fact, it’s, Adam, it’s still embarrassing.
[00:32:25] If you look it up now. It’s probably, you know, maybe it’s at, well, I didn’t want to say the number, but you know, it’s not a massive number. What is it? I’m not saying it now.
[00:32:38] Adam Stott: Who wrote a note? What was the note? The modern day. I should have got his print.
[00:32:45] Paul C Brunson: Totally sold me out so quickly. I got it on my notes.
[00:32:49] It’s the modern day matchmaker right here. She has it too. Yeah.
[00:32:56] Adam Stott: You’re doing all right, man. Have you seen it?
[00:32:59] Paul C Brunson: I haven’t seen it in a long time. I haven’t seen it in a long time. What is it at right now?
[00:33:03] Adam Stott: So, episode one, 26, 000 views.
[00:33:06] Paul C Brunson: Oh wow! Wow, look at that.
[00:33:08] Adam Stott: Episode two, 15, 13. 15 or 15, 000? 15, 000.
[00:33:15] Paul C Brunson: Oh my goodness.
[00:33:20] Still smooth.
[00:33:24] Can I say something about that too? I have not seen that in years. And when I look at that, I say, wow, I was terrible. But that’s also, I think, a good reason to just start where you’re at. You know, I think we become over obsessed with perfection. We become over obsessed with, I need the right camera, I need the right lighting, I need the right set Nah.
[00:33:45] Just pop this. Right now. Just just do it right now. Because you see what the reward is. The reward is that you’re still speaking to people, but then also, by doing, you become better. You know, it’s the process, it’s, I always say the goal is really not in the destination. It’s, the happiness is derived in the journey, that’s really where it’s at.
[00:34:08] Absolutely.
[00:34:09] Adam Stott: And that really shows you, you know, YouTube is pretty much the only channel that grows over time, right? And that’s just gonna keep, as you keep getting bigger, you’re gonna, that’s gonna keep getting bigger, right? You know, which is who knows?
[00:34:22] Paul C Brunson: Yeah, well, you know on that. I just thought about something too is You guys know Stephen Bartlett Diary of a CEO.
[00:34:28] Yeah. Yeah, he was on that last week. Yeah. Yep. So so Connected to that. It just made me think about something. So My experience on Diary of a CEO was unlike any Podcast or television show I’ve ever been on and it has changed my life Literally, it has changed my life. So, raise your hand if you like the podcast.
[00:34:53] Wow, love it. I’m just curious, anyone, raise your hand if you don’t like the podcast. I’m just curious if he, everyone’s I love it. Alright, so now, his podcast.
[00:35:08] Do you know why though? Do you want me to be honest? Yeah, I do want you to be honest.
[00:35:12] Adam Stott: Oh it’s a, another. I’ve haven’t listened to your one in full. I think that it’s overly and this is why it’s successful. So the reason I don’t like it is the reason that it’s overly successful. It’s very focused on emotion and deep dive emotional aspects, which is good, and I understand why a lot of people like that.
[00:35:33] I personally would like something, if I’m listening, I want more fast paced, more action orientated, more information orientated. But the same reason it’s super successful is the same reason I don’t love it. Okay, fair.
[00:35:46] Paul C Brunson: No. And once again, and I like that. That’s the confidence to say, look! I don’t like it. I’m not going to say that, but I respect it.
[00:35:53] Adam Stott: I certainly respect it. But yeah.
[00:35:55] Paul C Brunson: All right. Let’s talk about the six, the success or why it’s successful because I agree content, how it’s delivered, but the system, the business around diary of a CEO is what has blown my mind, like blown my mind. Okay. So first off is, When I was invited on to Diary of a CEO, they said, we’re gonna send a car to come pick you up.
[00:36:19] I said, okay, all right, cool, I like that, you know, send me a car. So they sent this car and I got a knock on the door. Mr. Brunson walked to the door, man in a best suit I’ve ever seen in my life. He says, the car is outside for you. And I was like, oh my god, most of the time people just call you. You know, Edison Lee, they just send you a text message.
[00:36:44] So, I said, okay, I’m going to come out in about ten minutes. He said, no problem, sir, I’ll be at the car for you. I was like, oh my god, this is, okay, maybe a little overkill, but okay. I go to the car, it is a custom sprinter, but a next level custom sprinter. So he opens the door, inside is the, Basically this.
[00:37:06] See this big screen right here? It is the largest screen I’ve ever seen inside of a sprinter. And then he says, let me show you around the car. I was like, show me around the car? What are you talking about? He said, so this is your remote control right here. And this goes to refrigerator A, which is over here.
[00:37:24] And then this button goes to refrigerator B, which is over here. I was like, what? There’s two refrigerators in here? There were two refrigerators. Now, I open Refrigerator A, cause I’m curious. I was saying nosy, no, I’m curious. Right? So I open Refrigerator A. You know what’s in Refrigerator A? I’m sorry?
[00:37:46] Water? Champagne? No. Huel! Exactly! And I have now become obsessed with Huel! Okay? Now, what is in Refrigerator B? And let me give you a hint. I am Jamaican. Patties. There are patties in the refrigerator. There are patties in the refrigerator. And I’m thinking, okay, I know not everyone gets patties. This is insane.
[00:38:15] There’s hules and patties. My favorite show is on the screen. This is crazy. So he locks me in there. He goes to the front, right? I can’t see him. I’m in this thing. So. He drives me to the studio. I get to the studio, go up, his studio is a rep because he started shooting that in his living room, but he’s now built a replica of his living room.
[00:38:41] He’s built a state of the art studio better than BBC studios, right? He’s built a state of the art studio. So I go into this, to this place. There’s at least 25 people. in there. Talking about Paul, getting me hyped up. I feel like I’m at a concert and I’m performing, and I don’t even know I was performing.
[00:39:02] And slowly, one by one, they all kind of disappear. Zip they’re all disappearing. And then, Stephen walks in, right? He walks in very nonchalant, right? Real cool, right? And then the person says, Oh, you want to sit at the desk? Okay, so we sit at the desk. Everyone’s disappearing, slowly disappearing, slowly.
[00:39:20] And all of a sudden I realized, Oh my God, the podcast started 30 minutes ago. We have been talking for 30 minutes. He has hoodwinked me. We have already been talking for 30 minutes. So it’s just the two of us. There’s 16 cameras, I don’t know, 15 cameras, all remote control operated, doing all kinds of crazy things.
[00:39:43] Temperature controlled. It’s dark. There’s, I mean, it’s everything you could think of. We talked for probably three hours. Three hours. Then podcast ends. All 25 people hype. It’s like concert again. Then I posed the question. I said, this has been such an incredible experience. You should do this for other people like me.
[00:40:07] I want a podcast. He said, you know what? Every moment that we would spend focused on someone else means a moment. We’re not focused on becoming better at our KPIs. He is fixated. You’re nodding your head like, yes, you know it, right? He’s fixated on how they can continue to move the needle increment, incrementally to the point where for a guest, they said they have a 200 point checklist.
[00:40:37] And you have to meet the 200 point. I was like, damn, I made it. You know what I mean? It’s oh my God, you’re 200 points, 200 points. To become a guest. He has, he tracks everything to the point where when they cut the trailer for the podcast, it was the best trailer I’ve ever seen in my life.
[00:41:00] I use it any time I’m doing a big stage speech, I use his trailer. I should be paying them for that trailer. It’s it’s incredible. And so what I learned, what was so interesting is I learned about attention, obsession with detail. That to me is Stephen Bartlett. He is obsessed with detail. And I think that is the key.
[00:41:18] That’s one big key to success.
[00:41:20] Adam Stott: Huge. I love that story, right? Great story. Big round of applause, and great podcast to be on for sure. I think we should have a chat about who’s watching Married at First Sight right now? Anyone in the room? Yeah, absolutely.
[00:41:36] Paul C Brunson: She’s proud of it too. Can I applaud you for being proud of it?
[00:41:39] Thank you. Thank you.
[00:41:41] Adam Stott: And I’m also watching it. There’s a certain someone that holds me quite accountable to watching it, right?
[00:41:47] Paul C Brunson: I wonder who that is.
[00:41:50] Adam Stott: And yeah, it’s been a brilliant experience, right? I mean, obviously you came over to the UK, you got drafted in for Celebs Go Dating, and you made a massive impact on that.
[00:42:00] You know, huge impact, did really well. And then got this new opportunity to do The Married at First Sight. I remember you talking about the fact you’re going to do it, how huge it’s been. It sort of morphed into… One of the, probably the biggest TV shows of the year, right? And it’s on, what, four times a week?
[00:42:15] Paul C Brunson: Monday through Thursday. Four times a week. 9pm on E4.
[00:42:18] Adam Stott: It’s this huge show. Yeah. And yeah, it’s, and obviously your part’s about to heat up, isn’t it? You, you know. This week. Yeah, this week’s gonna heat up, right? So it’s when we’re gonna see more of you. What’s it been like, and… How’s that change things for you?
[00:42:32] You know, how have you enjoyed it? You want to give us some sort of teases or some insights or what’s coming. Tell us all about married at first sight.
[00:42:39] Paul C Brunson: I mean, I could go real deep as long as everyone turns their camera off. I mean, we can talk about some things. But I, I w I will say this though, is that one thing just to talk high level and connect married at first sight with business is that married at first sight right now is what it’s interesting because It doesn’t have more viewership than Love Island right now.
[00:43:03] Love Island actually still this year, we’ll see what happens this year, but Love Island beats us in overall ratings. So there’s something that’s called overnights and we get the overnight ratings, how many people are watching live. And then we get what’s called basically consolidated, which looks at streaming.
[00:43:20] It looks every everything across the week. But this also goes back to, I think this running theme of focus on your customer. Delivered to your customer because while we don’t have the same ratings, do you know that for women between the ages of 16 and 34 last year, we beat the queen’s funeral in ratings.
[00:43:43] Jesus. Yes. Yes. There was only one other show. There was only one other show that topped us and that was a great British bake off.
[00:43:54] Yeah. It was like, yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah. It was like, yeah, we watched that. But that’s it. And so, and why do I bring that up? Because, you know, it’s really interesting. I see a lot of people in the press say, Oh, well, will this be the year that that Meredith Forsythe topples Love Island?
[00:44:10] You know what? We’ve already toppled them. Because the 16 to 34 year old woman here in the UK, that is the prized possession for advertisers. So in other words, we get higher advertising rates for our show than they do. So, who’s won? And that’s why I say don’t get fixated on the… The big quantity, right?
[00:44:29] It is about the quality. This is it. This is the key to the game. So, just wanted to throw that out. But it’s been it’s, honestly it’s been a life changing experience. And I say that because,
[00:44:39] Adam Stott: so what if we looked at celebs go dating versus that… We should have a great show.
[00:44:43] Which one do you prefer? And you’re probably not allowed to say that are you still
[00:44:48] Paul C Brunson: I would definitely get in trouble Yeah but they’re different, you know, yeah. Yeah. So so, quite honestly, celebs go dating is super fun If you know Tom Reed Wilson, you know, or Anna Williamson, those are two of literally two of my best friends I’ve chatted with them today.
[00:45:05] It’s like they are literally like Tom Reed Wilson is one of the most incredible human beings in the world. And, you know, I tell my boys all the time how blessed they are because when my wife and I go out on date night, he watches our boys. And I was like, do you know you have the best babysitter in the world?
[00:45:23] Do you realize how special this is? They’re like, yeah. I was like, no, this is special. So, they’re incredible. And an incredible Tara was added to the show. Incredible. So I do that show for
[00:45:33] Adam Stott: And I know a number of people that have been on that show. And you obviously, and you’ve built really good relationships with them.
[00:45:39] They always say to me, like James Locke, who’s been on the show and obviously, you know, quite a few other people like Jem and stuff that have been on the show. And I always said that you built, not only, you built a real friendship with all those people, didn’t you? Oh yeah. You’re like, James said he talks to you all the time.
[00:45:55] Paul C Brunson: Oh, yeah, I’ve sent James books. Yeah. You know, it’s one of these where I don’t look at it as it’s just a show. And I say this all the time. And I think when you have the, that hungry, ambitious entrepreneur spirit, I say to myself, I don’t do it primarily for the check. Although the checks are good right now.
[00:46:14] But I don’t do it primarily for that. I do it primarily for the relationships that I build. Primarily for the ability to teach through the platform. You know, that’s number one. So for celebs, it’s fun. For Married at First Sight, it is very hard. I go to therapy twice during the week when Married at First Sight is on.
[00:46:34] I take I, I’m a big advocate for CBD, I drink bottles, basically during during Married at First Sight. I mean, it is highly stressful, however… I view it as an opportunity to teach. So when we are doing, in particular, the commitment ceremonies, it’s one thing to teach the couple who’s on the couch, but I know that there are 2.
[00:46:59] 5 to 5 million people watching at home, and we are… And out of those 2. 5 to 5 million people, probably 99. 9 percent don’t have a therapist, will never have a therapist. This is their opportunity to get some type of healing in their relationship or some type of hope. That is what that’s how I see it.
[00:47:19] And so that’s a primary drive for me for MAFs.
[00:47:24] Adam Stott: Absolutely. And do you find it infuriating sometimes, cause you, cause I’ve watched that, and just people, you just, they’re not listening, are they, sometimes, you know, they’re hard to get through to, aren’t they? There’s been a couple that really hard, is that what drives you nuts?
[00:47:36] Paul C Brunson: Yeah, that’s part of it, you know. Yeah they’re they’re wild. They are, almost everyone who leaves this show, I have a close relationship with. And I think that what is probably not understood enough in the public is that I know it could look as if a lot of them are there just to be on TV, but I think that we have to all accept as human beings that almost every human being wants more status.
[00:48:06] Yeah. It’s we all want more status. And television is a quick opportunity to get a pop in status. Does that mean that you also don’t want love? No. And so, there, are there people who want to be in a relationship more than others? Yeah. But does that mean that you don’t want love because you want status?
[00:48:25] No. And so, so yeah. It’s challenging. It’s challenging. And also too, the reason why I started going to therapy was because I was assigning all my value. to how many couples stayed together. So I’ve been on this project for four years before we switched to this new format. And our first year that we did Married at First Sight, you know, we had four couples.
[00:48:46] You know how many couples are still together to this day? You said none. Right, because that’s the vibe, right? It’s three. Yeah. And there was a baby as well, right? Yeah, and there’s… There’s a baby and there’s a baby on the way. So we have two babies, three couples out of four are still together, right? But that’s not promoted, right?
[00:49:09] And also, that one wasn’t a super popular series. You know what became a popular series? The next series. You know how many stay together on that one? Only one. And they have a baby. So one out of, let’s say, I don’t know. Six couples. And what I started to realize is that, and this is the truth, is the public doesn’t want to see six couples stay together.
[00:49:37] That’s just the truth.
[00:49:40] Adam Stott: What does that say about the public, right?
[00:49:41] Paul C Brunson: Yeah, the public doesn’t want to see it. The public would like to see maybe two. You know. And so I think what everyone has to always realize when it comes to television is masterful content and it identifies the need and it speaks to the need and TV is super sophisticated.
[00:50:06] Talk about you think about your social media, you think about your analytics, you think television uses analytics? Oh, yeah. They know every 15 minute increment if you’re on or off. They know who’s popular, who’s not, who’s likable, who’s not. Have you heard of Q scores before? Ah, this is very interesting.
[00:50:27] So, in the United States, we have what’s called a Q score. It hasn’t been brought here to the UK, but they do something similar. A Q score is… How recognizable you are combined with how likable you are and the key to get a television show in the UK is I’m sorry in the US is you have to have be either Very noticeable or you have to be very likable or what?
[00:50:52] Unlikeable, right? So either we hate you and you’re noticeable or we love you And you’re, you know, recognizable. It’s very similar to content here in the UK, and it’s very similar online. Very similar online. You’ve noticed that polarizing content wins. It does. Right? And so this, but this is why I go back and I say, But does it win because it gets lots of eyeballs, but I’ll give you an example This is like his last example is I have a mentee who’s in the United States And he came to me when he had no following on social he literally has probably six to ten million people who follow him now across socials You probably know exactly who this guy is.
[00:51:40] Okay, I have a small sliver of that I make easily ten times more money than he does every year. It is not about the quantity, it is about the quality. That is it. That’s where it is. That’s, the quality is going to get you the three things that I know everybody in this room wants. It’s going to get you impact.
[00:52:02] It’s going to get you the ability to be autonomous in your life, control your time. And it’s going to make you more money. That’s what delivering on pain points will get you.
[00:52:13] Adam Stott: Can you give us a very quick example of like, how would you deliver on a pain point?
[00:52:18] Paul C Brunson: First you have to identify it.
[00:52:19] Yeah. What I realized, especially when I was teaching my course at Parsons in entrepreneurship is most entrepreneurs have not identified a customer avatar. Right. And most serve multiple avatars. Yeah. Opposed to just one avatar. And when you serve one avatar, most have not identified the depth, right?
[00:52:45] I know in business school, we used to call it the why that makes you cry. The fifth why. You guys heard about this? The fifth why. It’s like, why did you buy? Well, then why did you? Well, then why did you? And you bring that down five times. And the why that makes you cry is the why. Like, why does your customer…
[00:53:00] Steve!
[00:53:05] Adam Stott: I’ll tell you what, he’s still awake, so you don’t blame him.
[00:53:07] Paul C Brunson: I know, he’s still awake. He gave me that, oh shhh. Steve, why did, who’s your customer?
[00:53:16] Adam Stott: Typically 45 to 65 year old company director who’s looking to retire but doesn’t know how he’s going to manage it.
[00:53:22] Paul C Brunson: Oh, thank you. Okay, so now. Already. I’ve got pushback, Steve, because you know why you gave me 45 to 60, which I get.
[00:53:34] But the key though, I think, and this is just me, the key. Oh, thank you. Look at that. Thank you so much. The, I think the secret sauce is within the 45 cause there’s a big difference between a 45 year old and a 60 year old, right? Big difference, especially in libido. So,
[00:53:53] so, so you want to pinpoint. That person, right? So then, my next question though is, let’s say we pinpoint a 50 year old. Yep. Okay, in that group. So, why does that person, what is that person’s number one concern at night? It may not be a concern that you can address, but what do you think their number one concern is when they go to sleep at night?
[00:54:15] Adam Stott: When are they going to have time to look at their own stuff? They’re worried about everybody else, staff, customers, etc. But everything of theirs that they’re going to gain from is always put on the back burner. I’ll do it at the weekend. I’ll do it next year. Gotcha. What is it that they’re most concerned about that’s on the back burner?
[00:54:36] I think failing. Okay. Failing at? Everything. To their family
[00:54:42] and…
[00:54:44] Paul C Brunson: Okay. Okay. So everything. So name me the most important, because we always have a pecking order. So, I, and I tell you what, I hear you on failing with family. So, so… Let’s say family failing at what at family is it putting enough away to protect the lifestyle they built up?
[00:55:06] Okay. So, so the savings with regard to family, right? Yep. So, but here’s my point of this exercise is that when you drill down to the specifics, once you hit the specifics, and it is the why that makes them cry, then. All of your content, Steve, should be focused on that. Yep. You know what I mean? Yep. All of it.
[00:55:27] All of, everything else is just extra. It’s just extra. It’s just fat, right? We don’t like fat, right? We want something lean, you know? And that’s the point. And I think that has been my biggest lesson. And I see it. on television. That’s what we do. We drill down to the specifics. 16 to 34 year old. Okay, we know, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
[00:55:46] But then also, I see it with all of my students at Parsons. I’ve seen it in my businesses, right? Find the why, that deep why. And if everyone does that, you win. Because not only do you create content for that person, but then it allows you to create a product and service specifically for the pain point.
[00:56:07] Adam Stott: So the why that makes you cry.
[00:56:10] And if you went deeper on that, Steve, I mean, that’s amazing, give Paul a big round of applause, right? So, when you’re creating yours, Paul, the why that I would say from seeing your social media that makes them cry, is that breakup of the relationship, the being left, the being alone, have everything falling apart, is that what you would say?
[00:56:32] Paul C Brunson: Yes, and the hope that comes with it, right? So the pain and the gain.
[00:56:36] Adam Stott: Exactly. So we’ve got the why that makes you cry, But then how do you see the gain?
[00:56:40] Paul C Brunson: The gain. So the way that I see it is I’m trying, I’m, my, okay, the secret out of my book, the secret out of my book is what I try to do across everything, television, social, et cetera, is I try to give hope.
[00:56:55] Because I truly believe in, you know, if your objective is to find a great partner, I think that they’re great partners out here, you know? And so my point is that I’m trying to give hope. What I noticed in our matchmaking business is that’s what our clients wanted. At the end of the day, if we used to determine success based on matches.
[00:57:17] But then we used to determine success based on whether or not our client believed that we helped to initiate any hope in their life. Because that’s what they wanted. So going back to the why that makes you cry is that we didn’t know what that was initially. And then we found that out by researching our customer.
[00:57:34] And that’s what they wanted. They wanted hope. At the end of the day, that’s why they were staying up at night. That’s why they were crying. I don’t believe it’s possible. I don’t believe it’s possible for me. Everyone says it is, but it’s… Right, so that’s what I’m trying to do.
[00:57:47] Adam Stott: Okay, so re engineer that from, into Hope.
[00:57:51] Yes. Which is, yeah, absolutely nailed on, isn’t it? Look, I think, has Paul been amazing, everyone? Yes or no?