Episode 374: Branding: Creating Lasting First Impressions with Ksenia Droben
In business, having a strong brand attracts clients and customers. For individuals seeking relationships, this translates into presenting oneself authentically and attractively.
In this episode, Adam Stott is joined by Ksenia Droben, an acclaimed relationship and dating expert. Together, they explore the fascinating parallels between business branding and personal branding in the context of dating. Ksenia gets into how an individual’s approach to networking in business can be applied to building personal relationships, offering listeners practical strategies to enhance their attractiveness by creating lasting first impressions.
Ksenia discusses actionable steps people can take to improve their social media presence, overcome fears of new experiences, and adopt a more future-oriented mindset. Adam emphasizes how generosity, positive self-presentation, and the ability to attract rather than repel through behavior significantly impact one’s success in business and dating.
Show Highlights:
- The principles of attraction and building a reputation are crucial in both business and dating.
- Being generous without expecting anything in return is a highly valuable trait in business and personal relationships.
- Maintaining an attractive and positive social media profile is essential for personal branding.
- Focusing on future possibilities rather than past experiences can significantly improve decision-making and attract positive outcomes.
- Small, consistent improvements and a willingness to embrace new experiences can lead to substantial growth in relationships and business.
Links Mentioned:
Get your Business Growth Secrets SUCCESS PLANNER for FREE and profit like a pro: https://adamstottplanner.com/free-book47315172
Adam’s website: https://adamstott.com/?el=Pod
Watch the Episode on Adam’s YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/adamstottcoach?el=Pod
Connect with Adam on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/adamstottcoach/?el=Pod
Join Adam’s network on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/adam-stott-coach/?el=Pod
Coaches, consultants, and business owners – lower your marketing costs, increase ticket prices, and get more high-ticket clients: https://3daybrandbuilderworkshop.com/start-here?el=Pod
Transcript:
Please note this is a verbatim transcription from the original audio and therefore may include some minor grammatical errors.
[00:00:00] Ksenia Droben: Have you some advice to people who really scared of something new?
[00:00:10] Adam Stott: I think that the more that you give, the more that you receive. And I think that that being generous is a fantastic trait. He’s womanizer, he’s not serious. That is a non attractive, horrible trait. Do you actually want to meet someone? Or do you want to remain lonely for the rest of your life?
[00:00:31] Ksenia Droben: But men are really very resistant.
[00:00:35] Adam Stott: Yeah, it’s so hard. Some men are, you know, not all men, not all men.
[00:00:45] So you’ve heard the phrase, the five people you hang around with is who you essentially become. And what we’re going to talk about today is how do you create business chemistry? How do you create relationships with amazing people that can lift you up in business so you can make more money and drive your business growth?
[00:01:04] And today I’ve got an amazing, Relationship expert on with me who’s going to actually ask me questions and contribute about the building of Relationships and how you use that to drive a business. Let’s jump into this episode very special episode of business go secrets Well, everybody, I’m really really pleased to have relationship expert Ksenia with us today.
[00:01:25] She’s absolutely amazing She starred all over the world on on TV channels in in Germany and much more as a relationship and dating expert She’s absolutely Incredible. Someone I’m really, really pleased to have on the podcast and somebody you should go and check out as well. And, uh, you’re going to get to know her through this podcast today, which is going to be great.
[00:01:44] Uh, welcome to the podcast. Xenia, how are you doing? How are you feeling? How’s things going?
[00:01:49] Ksenia Droben: Uh, thank you so much for having me in your podcast. And I dream about this interview for years. I can say really because when I better make
[00:02:00] Adam Stott: it good, right? Yeah.
[00:02:02] Ksenia Droben: Because when I started with business coaching with your.
[00:02:06] Uh, big business event project. My first idea was, Oh my gosh, dating is a business. Business is a dating. The same rules, the same, uh, laws and the same structure. And it’s so simple. If you can explain it. Explain to people in my case to single people that love is not love only there are a lot of behind. But on the other hand, it’s very, very simple if you know how to deal with it.
[00:02:32] Adam Stott: Absolutely. Well, I’m really excited. I love this topic. I love what we’re going to discuss. And uh, I know you’ve got some, some questions you want me to share my insights around the business side of it, as well as some of the relationship side. And what do I think about relationships, business, and so much more.
[00:02:47] For me, it’s really, really important. That people in business focus on building relationships is something I’ve said to all of my clients for years and years and years and years. So I think this natural transition to a really good podcast with you is going to be super exciting.
[00:03:02] Ksenia Droben: Yeah, absolutely. But most of all, what I see in my business, in my business, that people struggle not with relationship because Everybody thinks I’m great.
[00:03:13] I’m handsome. I’m beautiful. It’s enough. It’s enough for dating. So just to be beautiful. But people struggle most of all with branding. What I see because they have no idea that to sell, to sell, to sell themselves, they have to brand themselves. Even if you’re beautiful. Even if you’re handsome, it doesn’t matter.
[00:03:34] You have to do something. Can you give some advice in terms of branding? How it’s, how can you sell? Because as business owner, you sell yourself all day, all day long,
[00:03:45] Adam Stott: 24
[00:03:45] Ksenia Droben: seven. So how to do it in terms of dating? I don’t think it’s big difference. And you are
[00:03:51] Adam Stott: proud of yourself in terms of dating. Great. Love it.
[00:03:53] Well, the way I would look at it. Branding is really good because the synergy in the two topics is absolutely amazing. Why do you build a brand in business? You build a brand in business to attract. That is the purpose. How do I attract clients, customers, business towards me and how do I get them to choose me?
[00:04:11] Over somebody else. And that is exactly the same in the relationship dating game. You are essentially building a brand and you are looking for people to choose you over and above somebody else. So how do you go about building that brand? Well, first of all, what is branding? Branding is knowing what and what, when we build a brand, the way I describe it is you’re building a perception In the marketplace.
[00:04:37] So as a business, you go out, you build your perception in the marketplace. And that perception of you can be a number of different things. So for example, for example, we build a brand and perception around our business, business growth secrets. Uh, so business, uh, big fucking hell, I fucked up for once big business event.
[00:04:54] We built a brand around big business events, um, that we are business growth experts. And everything that we do is there to help create, promote and encourage that perception of us in the marketplace. If we were dating and say we’ve got a single person, it’s kind of like this. We take this single person, they go out dating and they’re in a room and they’ve got all these people around them in the room.
[00:05:19] How do they stand out? How are they building a brand in that environment? Well, first of all, if they decide to stand there. Lean back with their arms crossed and they’re not getting involved. What they’re really doing is they’re building a brand and a perception that they’re unapproachable and that unapproachable brand is gonna mean, it’s a lot less likely that somebody comes up and starts talking to them and building a relationship with them.
[00:05:47] Right? So that’s one of the hardest things. I think there’s a lot of fear. In dating, there’s a lot of fear in going out and meeting people and having conversations. Uh, but one of the things you’ve got to look at, and it’s hard to do, is you’ve got to look internally at yourself and say, how am I presenting myself?
[00:06:05] How am I showing myself? And what we would like to do, instead of being that person in the corner with their arms crossed, that’s kind of putting people off, I think one of the best things that you can wear To build a better brand when dating is a big smile. Now that big smile that you’ve got on your face says I’m approachable.
[00:06:23] It says that actually a laugh, smiling, laughing. If you’re in a, in a room and you are smiling, laughing and having fun, you let off an energy and a chemistry. That you are somebody that would be great to have a conversation with, and you’re naturally going to attract and you’re going to build people towards you.
[00:06:41] So you want to smile. You want to laugh. You want to have fun. You want to not take yourself too seriously. You know, a little bit of you. If you make a mistake, you want to just laugh about it, have a little bit of fun and put yourself in an environment. Now, the problem is, is most people that that’s kind of branding in a room.
[00:06:58] Now, how you can take that into business is networking is the same. Yeah. The guy that stands in the corner with their arms crossed, no one’s going to end up doing business. The person smiling, laughing, building relationships when you’re networking is going to be the person that people go, Oh, I really liked them.
[00:07:12] They were really nice and they were really good. And the thing I think that people have when it comes to dating is a short, very short term mentality. So they’re going to room and maybe they don’t like anyone in the room. Right. And I think, well, these are the, not my sort of people. I don’t really fancy anyone.
[00:07:30] I don’t like anyone, which then tells them that I’m not going to get in their brain. I’m not going to get a win in the next 10 minutes. I’m not going to get a date in the next 10 minutes. So the switch off. So they forget to make sure that their brand is. Is right in that room, so they make the mistake, but what they should actually do is they should say, you know what every single person in this room knows five people and yet they not they might not be right for me, but they might know the perfect person for me and actually they might be a great connection.
[00:07:58] They might be a great friend and you know what you should be looking as imagine this is a brand. Imagine that you went into that room, you got a hundred people in the room, all these different people, uh, you do laugh, smile, go, and have fun. And they say you are a man. And because of that, you get four women that talk to you.
[00:08:16] You become friends with them. You don’t wanna date ’em, but you, you say, Hey, they have friends. Yeah, they’re friends.
[00:08:21] Ksenia Droben: They have, they have friends, they have sisters. They have mothers. They have daughters. Absolutely. Yeah.
[00:08:24] Adam Stott: But imagine this, you ring the four people up and you say, Hey, let’s go out together.
[00:08:29] Let’s go and have a night out and you go out with four women on a night out. What’s happening then? Well, every woman in the club’s looking going. Why has this guy got four women around him? And all of a sudden That’s creating the attraction that that’s creating the brand that this person is personable.
[00:08:45] This person’s fun. These people like you know, women like him, there must be something about him. Right. Hey everyone. Hope you’re enjoying the podcast. We’ve got a free training that I’m doing right now online from the comfort of your own home called stand out brand. What this does is it shows business owners how to get noticed on social media, stand out.
[00:09:08] Get more leads and get more sales. So if you want to make more money in your business, head over to adamstop. com forward slash SOB. That’s adamstop. com forward slash SOB and join us on the free three day workshop, stand out brand.
[00:09:26] Ksenia Droben: I disagree because if one guy is standing, uh, surrounded by a few women and other women will look at him, he has enough.
[00:09:33] He has enough. Four women is already enough. He’s womanizer, he’s not serious because four women it’s really too much. He has enough choice. And the fact that he might don’t like, doesn’t like any of them, it will not help.
[00:09:47] Adam Stott: Yeah. I mean, you could take it two ways. And I think that’s the funny thing. No, it’s, it’s, it’s,
[00:09:51] Ksenia Droben: it’s really interesting because what you mentioned.
[00:09:53] It’s a game of
[00:09:53] Adam Stott: opinions, right? Yeah.
[00:09:54] Ksenia Droben: Yes. It’s, it’s very interesting how, how people think and how people, Um, accept information. I have, uh, every event, really every single event I run, somebody who goes in the room, like you said, look around. Oh, I don’t like anybody and just leave. And I always stay like, what, Julia, how it’s possible to look at the faces, faces we got not from, uh, from our parents.
[00:10:21] It’s, it’s not we deserved. It’s just what we got from the nature. That’s all. It’s not the character. It’s not our mentality. It’s not our values, just a face and just still, I don’t like anybody and living. What? Interesting that you mentioned exactly the situation.
[00:10:38] Adam Stott: Yeah, I think that what I’m trying to say is the question was around brand.
[00:10:43] And I think what you want to be is you want to be and you want to create a perception that you are fun, you are approachable, you’re a nice person, you are popular, you are charismatic, you have chemistry with other people. And that will create a brand and energy around you that attracts people and people will want to be a part of that.
[00:11:05] And if there’s women there and, and they’re seeing a guy laughing and having fun and enjoying himself, he looks like the guy that you want to talk to. Not necessarily the guy you want to date, but definitely the guy you want to talk to. And then you’ve got an opportunity because, you know, you’ve heard.
[00:11:20] The saying that, you know, that is the branding of yourself, the, the popularity that actually, why would somebody want to go out with that guy? Well, everybody else does. So why wouldn’t you?
[00:11:31] Ksenia Droben: I like, I like one of your quotes. You say it’s said it several times that, uh, to, uh, make this decision. I’m not good in business.
[00:11:42] It should be, uh, crazy amount of contacts you tried to build and only if you can say that, uh, I forgot how you, how you say it, but the meaning is it’s a lot of building a lot of contacts and only after you tried many, many times, really crazy amount of times you can say you’re not successful in business.
[00:12:01] And I think it’s in dating and I always give this advice. If you have one day it was wrong, okay, it was wrong. Can happen. Shit can happen. If second date was wrong. It’s okay. 10 dates. Okay. But if you went for 200 dates and all of them were wrong, it’s
[00:12:15] Adam Stott: really,
[00:12:17] Ksenia Droben: it’s not problem. This is probably with you.
[00:12:19] Definitely.
[00:12:21] Adam Stott: Absolutely. And I think then let’s go a little another step back on the brand. And talk about how, how they can brand themselves as well. Some practical stuff. So we’re talking about a little bit more practical. What somebody should do when building their brand is they need to go through their social media.
[00:12:38] They need to look at their social media. They need to realize that the first thing that a perspective Partner or somebody. This is the same for business as it is dating exactly the same, right? If you are a business owner, that’s looking to go and raise funding, go through your social media and prune out the stuff that no one wants to see.
[00:12:56] If you are somebody that wants to attract a partner, go through your social media, get rid of the pictures of, you know, potentially your exes. Yeah, get rid of the pictures of you where you, where you look really bad or whatever, and actually present yourself in a way that you look good. Good. And you are happy that you are showing the best version of yourself.
[00:13:16] Your social media is your media is your opportunity to show yourself and show the best version of yourself. So that’s what I would definitely do. Um, go through, look at the way you present yourself. Look at the way you present yourself online. Google your own name. See what comes up because that’s what’s going to happen when somebody Googles you, right?
[00:13:35] And understand that you are going to have to brand yourself. Before you meet them, you are going to have to brand yourself in the room, and you’re going to have to, you know, build a good brand as you’re getting to know that person as well. And branding is about attraction. That’s what it’s about. How do we create attraction?
[00:13:53] The way you create attraction is you create that chemistry, you make sure that you’re fun, and you’re in that place. So hopefully, hopefully, we’ve answered that one. Do you think that that gives you a good answer?
[00:14:03] Ksenia Droben: What do you think about people without social media? Because in dating, I have people without WhatsApp.
[00:14:09] Adam Stott: Yeah.
[00:14:09] Ksenia Droben: Yes. Or without Facebook or without Instagram, something like you Google them and you can find any, anything because they are hidden.
[00:14:18] Adam Stott: Yeah.
[00:14:18] Ksenia Droben: What do you think? So what I think
[00:14:20] Adam Stott: is that what you have to realize is you have, or what people have to realize is that when you’re. Dating is actually a competitive game, and there are thousands of thousands of thousands of people out there in in the world that people can go and me and that they can go and date people that are single can very quickly find reasons not to want to date somebody.
[00:14:46] And, for example, if they don’t have WhatsApp. That’s a bit odd, right? Yeah, absolutely. So go and get WhatsApp. So what happens in someone’s mind is, and this is again, branding, right? If I go and you don’t have WhatsApp, it says in my mind, has this person come off WhatsApp for a reason? Is there something wrong with them?
[00:15:05] Why are they not on there? You know, and then they start making up stories. And it’s the same thing if they’re not on social media. Well, why are you not on social media? What are you trying to hide from? What are you trying to run away from? So having a social media presence and having good communication technology, I think is part of the game.
[00:15:22] And again, it’s the same. It’s the same for business. And this is why it’s so cool that we’re having this chat is that. There’s business owners that don’t have a website for their business and they rely on repeat business and referrals. That’s great, but they’re never going to scale a business unless they have a web presence.
[00:15:38] They’re never going to scale a business unless they have social media presence. So it’s the same in dating. Yes, you want to get these little things ironed out and they’re small things. Yeah. You know, I mean, there’s loads of tips here, but first of all, smile. Have fun, make good contacts and connections, present yourself.
[00:15:55] Well, present yourself online. Well, uh, make sure you’ve got just basic standard technology and you go, well, I don’t know how to use WhatsApp. Never use WhatsApp. Well, learn. I don’t know how to use social media. Learn that. How bad do you want it? And this comes back to business and relationship. Do you actually want to meet someone or do you want to remain lonely for the rest of your life?
[00:16:16] Cause someone’s driving you on this journey. So you gotta do it. You have to, it’s the same mindset for businesses is dating. Are you going to do whatever it takes? Cause if you’re not your dream partner, someone else is going to get them. So you have to have the mindset, I’ll do whatever it takes. And if learning WhatsApp, learning social media, going out more, laughing more, having fun, making female or male friends is part of the game, you’ve got to play the game.
[00:16:40] Ksenia Droben: What do you think about business owners in my situation, single people who, like you said, learn. And if, if I go with the same advice, learn WhatsApp, learn how to, how to, how to use Zoom, because there are many people who don’t know how to use zoom even now and do it, just click the button. It’s not dangerous.
[00:17:00] And they’re scared even to click the button, click the link and try something new. Have you some advice to people who really scared of something new?
[00:17:12] Adam Stott: I think that is the thing. And that’s the problem with We’ve we’ve dating and we’ve relationships is because it’s all all scary dating and relationships It is a roller coaster.
[00:17:24] I say business is like a roller coaster I think dating and relationships is like a roller coaster as well It brings up a lot of feelings for people it brings up feelings of fear Shall I approach this person? Shall I not approach this person? What if I ask? And they say, No, there’s a lot of feelings that are brought up and a lot of feelings of fear involved.
[00:17:43] There’s also a lot of highs. They said, Yes, I’m excited. I can’t wait to go on that date. So now you’ve got the coming down the roller coaster of like, Ah, yeah, this is amazing. And then they realize they’re not exactly what they thought they were gonna be like. And they’re like, Ah, and now they’re at a bottom again.
[00:17:57] I hate Daniel. You know, and then they’re going back up. And they’ve got to ride the roller coaster. So I think that the mentality needs to be when it comes to business and dating and relationships is often, it is like a roller coaster. You are going to have feelings, you are going to have nerves and things that come up and you are going to have issues.
[00:18:18] And that’s absolutely fine. It’s perfectly natural. And you’ve just got to ride those out. But you’ve got to remember at the end, after you’ve ridden that roller coaster at the beginning, it’s scary, right? So what happens essentially, when you’re getting on that roller coaster, the first time you’re going out dating, usually somebody who’s going out dating has been through something.
[00:18:39] They’ve been through a breakup of some sort. Um, yeah. As you mentioned around pride, maybe their pride is, uh, maybe their self esteem is lower than usual, perhaps their confidence is down, which can leave them feeling like they’re not enough. Often they can be saying things to themselves where they’re doubting themselves, perhaps they’re, they’re doubting their value and really when they look at themselves in the mirror, They’re not seeing the best version of themselves because in that moment, they’re not massively confident.
[00:19:11] Ksenia Droben: Is, is it not the same with business? You know, absolutely, absolutely, absolutely the same. The difference is only that in business you risk your money and probably, uh, You know, business people better than I do that most of them, they had their up and downs in their life, and some of them lost their money, lost a lot of money.
[00:19:32] Some of them got wrong advice from wrong experts,
[00:19:37] Adam Stott: made wrong
[00:19:37] Ksenia Droben: decision, and it’s really difficult to, uh, to fix the crown. on the head and started again and absolutely, absolutely the same. What would, what advice do you give to the people who had a lot of, uh, I don’t know, disappointments in their life and at the moment they come to you and say, Adam, I would like to start a business, but I don’t dare because I had already my bet passed.
[00:20:07] Adam Stott: Really simple. We can’t drive forward looking in the rearview mirror. If we’re constantly looking at the past, we can’t create a great future. We have to let go of the past in order to step into our future. And the reality is you don’t want to live in the past. You don’t want to live in the future. You want to live in the present.
[00:20:32] Because the only thing that you can do and the only thing that you can affect your decisions in the present are what creates your future. What happened in the past is gone. It’s dead. One of my great mentors, Richard, who worked with me for a very long time, always used to say to me, Adam, past costs are dead.
[00:20:52] And he said he meant it from an accounting in some, but I mean it on everything past. Issues past problems passing. You can’t do anything about it. You literally we can’t change the past. There’s nothing that we can do. The only thing we can do is we can work on our present and the decisions that we make today.
[00:21:11] The things that we do today are going to want to change. Be what we creates our tomorrow. So if you’re single and you want to be in a position where you are at home with a loving partner, having nice times traveling, going on great holidays, having just the time of your life and enjoying everything you do.
[00:21:30] The only way that’s gonna happen is based on what you do right now and based on what you act on in the present. So going to that Matchmaking event going networking with other people going speed dating saying yes to the date that you didn’t want to say yes to All of these different things are going to be what creates the future So you have to look at it the present creates the future the past costs are dead
[00:21:53] Ksenia Droben: Uh, it’s really interesting, uh, system.
[00:21:56] One of my colleagues, they have this, uh, uh, system with, uh, three dates. So if people go for their predate first, if they okay, like each other, they are committed to go for three dates,
[00:22:09] Adam Stott: right?
[00:22:10] Ksenia Droben: Really? Committed. So it’s in the contract. You cannot escape. We ask the question because for all of us it was, you know, how it’s possible to push people to go in the days they don’t want to.
[00:22:21] And uh, their colleagues said, uh, most of the time it was really a spark of love on the second real date. So it’s really time.
[00:22:30] Adam Stott: Yeah. Yeah. I think, I think time definitely plays a difference, uh, make, makes a difference in the, in these things. And, you know, without a shadow of a doubt,
[00:22:41] Ksenia Droben: Is it, is it something, uh, people can use in business?
[00:22:44] I mean, there’s something like, if you do a little step, you’re committed to do three other steps, like, like contract. Well, I
[00:22:54] Adam Stott: definitely think is, I think that. Action taking is one of the the biggest things that a business owner can do is to get used to pulling the trigger. Get used to saying yes. Get used to taking more action because that’s what will be that drives their business forward.
[00:23:09] I kind of the way I see it. And this this goes for a business dating analogy is When you open a door and you say yes, that’s when you open a door. When you say no, you leave the door closed. If you imagine there’s a door here and we picture that and we’re going to walk through that door, we’ve got an option to walk through that door or we’ve got an option to leave the door closed.
[00:23:31] If we leave the door closed, our journey stops here. So make sense behind the door. If we say yes, and we open the door, we walk through that door. Our journey is continued. We’re seeing new things. We’re hearing new things. And we’re starting to feel differently. Now we’ve got all these other doors. And that means our journey is continued.
[00:23:51] Then we can walk through the next door, the next door, the next door. And that’s what creates an exciting life. Everything good comes from saying yes. Everything that keeps you stuck comes from saying no. So start saying yes more. Start being more adventurous and you’re going to start to have more adventurous life.
[00:24:10] Ksenia Droben: Have you any advice for people to be more likable? Because in terms of business, in terms of dating, it’s very difficult. Yeah, it’s not very just necessary to be likeable. If people don’t like you, they will not run any business with you. They will not spend any money with you. They don’t want you. Besides, you said about laughing, fun and so on.
[00:24:32] If, if there is anything people can do to get more yeses from other people.
[00:24:38] Adam Stott: Yeah. Okay, great. So I think, I think one of the big problems is, is that people actually don’t know their bad traits. A lot of people, they’re in the picture, so they actually can’t see what’s going on in that picture. Right. So I think a lot of people, and this is, you know, having coached thousands of people as well in business, is a lot of the time they think they’re doing things right.
[00:25:03] Because they used to doing it that way, then actually when you get new eyes and somebody actually looks in says, you know what, you could change this and you could do this differently. All of a sudden they get different results because they’ve had a fresh set of eyes looking at what they’re doing. And I think that people have personality traits that are that are non attractive, non likable, non charming personality traits.
[00:25:28] And until somebody actually flags them up for somebody and actually shows somebody that actually that is causing you problems. I’ll give you an example. Like, um, when you look at good traits versus bad traits, it’s a really good trait to be very generous in my mind.
[00:25:47] Ksenia Droben: Depends on.
[00:25:48] Adam Stott: And give. Without expecting to receive.
[00:25:51] I personally think that’s a good trade, but not for
[00:25:54] Ksenia Droben: businessmen, but
[00:25:55] Adam Stott: not for business people. I think it’s a good trade for business as well. I think that the more that you give, the more that you receive. And I think that being generous is a fantastic trade. And I think that when you look at and this could be contrary to what other people think, and I’m fine that is controversial.
[00:26:12] Other people think that to be good in business, you have to be hard. You have to be ruthless. You have to be cutting. I actually think you have to be very giving. If you want to build a great team, you’ve got to give to them. You’ve got to train them. You’ve got to support them. You’ve got to help them.
[00:26:26] You’ve got to be generous with your time, right? To, to build, um, great relationships with clients. You’ve got to be generous. You’ve got to give to them. You’ve got to like them. I think being a giver and being somebody that gives and that is generous, is very, very good for business. But I also think it’s very, very, very good to in dating.
[00:26:47] So for example, do you want to go out on a date with somebody that’s going to look at the bill and go through it and say, Oh, did you have this? That is a non attractive, horrible trait that people that makes things awkward. And you know what? Do you want to spend the rest of your life like that? No. So that needs to be pointed out to someone.
[00:27:04] If you are, Tight and you are not generous and you are not giving and you come with the mentality is what’s in it for me You’re probably gonna stay single.
[00:27:14] Ksenia Droben: You know, what’s really interesting thing because I believe it’s one of my beliefs I believe it’s somebody somebody who is tied with money cannot be tight cannot be generous with feelings
[00:27:24] Adam Stott: This is connection
[00:27:27] Ksenia Droben: because I cannot risk all kitten on the streets and giving my heart to all abundant animals on the street and at the same time being very tight with money doesn’t fit together.
[00:27:38] Adam Stott: Yeah, absolutely. And that for me, generosity is a good trade in both business and in in relationships. I think you need to look at the traits. What other, what other traits are going to be attractive traits and what are going to be non attractive traits? It’s easier to identify your non attractive traits and people have them, but they don’t realize they have them.
[00:28:00] Being tight is one of them. I think that’s a non attractive trait. I think another one is being, um, Very judgy, like being, having, passing judgment on people. Do you know what a red flag to me is? If I were looking to, which I’m not, I’m in a happy relationship. If I were going out dating and someone was talking about other people, or judging other people, I would never go out with somebody that was judging, and it was opinionated around other people.
[00:28:29] I’ve been in relationships where, and, and you know what? It’s not a nice trait. And I think being very judgy around other people and judging how other people are talking about other people’s another side, somebody that wants to talk about people all the time and, you know, be talking about them behind their backs, horrible trait.
[00:28:45] So these sort of traits need to be ironed out in order for you to become a, uh, a person of value. And that’s whether that’s relationships or business. And it’s all about becoming a person of value. And this is the interesting thing. If you’ve done no work on yourself, Then these traits probably are still there.
[00:29:04] But if you’ve done the work on yourself and you’ve gone internally and looked at yourself like jealousy is another one. You’re somebody that’s just a horrible trait. It’s not an attractive trait. It’s a repellent. You gotta ask yourself the question. Am I attracting what I want? Am I repelling what I want?
[00:29:20] What one am I doing? Am I attracting or am I repelling? Am I creating myself as a person of value? Or I am, am I repelling the people that I should be attracting because of these traits? So I think jealousy and jealousy. Envy right being critical of other people. All of these are traits that if you’ve got them, you’ve got to get rid of them, right?
[00:29:42] So you’ve got to understand what your strengths, what your weaknesses in these areas and you’ve got to go to work on yourself. And you know what? The benefit this is not only do you get a better, more attractive, happier, more stable, better relationship in the long term, but you also become a nicer person in the process
[00:29:59] Ksenia Droben: on the way, which
[00:30:01] Adam Stott: is the journey.
[00:30:02] Ksenia Droben: But you know, it’s really interesting thing. I don’t know if it’s the same, um, in, in business with business owners, uh, women, women are more likely to go for some coaching and they are more ready for changes. They read the books, they listen to podcasts to change their personality. They would like to know men better and be being better in Yeah.
[00:30:23] But men are really very resistant.
[00:30:27] Adam Stott: Yeah. It’s so hard. Some men are, you know, not all men, not all men.
[00:30:33] Ksenia Droben: Very, you know, it’s really, you have to always find another names for the simple steps to tell them, you know, what, what if we will try it another way, because Uh, for men, like you said, it’s about pride. Yeah.
[00:30:50] If I tell men that, you know, you do this wrong, you do this wrong, you miss this date and your behavior wasn’t right, with so many women, you are not, you’re single not, uh, not suddenly. You’re single with, uh, with some reasons.
[00:31:05] Adam Stott: Yeah, I think there’s nothing wrong with it. I think men should have a mentality of improvement.
[00:31:10] When I was a young man, I read a book called Double Your Dating and have very practical good advice. Um, yeah, years and years and years ago. I don’t even think it’s out now, but I read that and I got a lot of value out of that. And guess what? It did what it said on that in, right? It doubled the amount of days I got, right?
[00:31:26] Because it was, it’s actually very simple. A lot of the things in terms of, of dating relationships, very, very simple, simple stuff.
[00:31:34] Ksenia Droben: Simple stuff. Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. But you know, this is a question how to convince people that they have to change. It’s not about, um, I, they are most complicated clients who come to me.
[00:31:45] It was something like Xenia, you have to find for me a beautiful woman. You don’t have to tell me what to change. And I always think this is what
[00:31:52] Adam Stott: I would do if I were you is I would make it. Absolutely mandatory that if I was going to work with them, they have to be open minded, willing to change, willing to develop themselves, follow certain steps and processes.
[00:32:05] Otherwise, I wouldn’t take him on as a client.
[00:32:07] Ksenia Droben: It makes sense. But then I would have less clients.
[00:32:12] Adam Stott: You would have less clients, but you’d be better. Sometimes it’s better to have less clients and more high paying ones, right? So you actually work with the right people that are going to pay you more money and work with everybody that’s not.
[00:32:23] Ksenia Droben: Disagree, because I believe, I believe if, uh, uh, with some people, it’s a very simple because you can explain to them what to do, what, what, uh, what are they doing wrong and it works because they are ready to change. But with some people you have to really to show them it’s not enough to say you do it wrong.
[00:32:41] Okay. You don’t want to listen to my advice. Go to date and you will see what’s going on. That it’s happening, but I predicted it’s happening one time. Okay. Axia, you were right. What can I change? Oh, you, maybe you, you will try and you know why that is? I, I really, I really big believer of little changes because if I saw, I see the problems, I see the problems immediately.
[00:33:02] But if I will come with all. This huge amount of changes. Most people will say, no, I better stay alone and I will do anything.
[00:33:11] Adam Stott: Yeah, absolutely. Most people only make changes. If it’s needed. If in the highest point of pain.
[00:33:17] Ksenia Droben: Yeah.
[00:33:18] Adam Stott: So when they’re in the most pain. If they have literally gone home every single night for six months on their own, and they are feeling that they are just in a place where they are feeling lonely, they’re feeling detached from the world, um, they’re really not enjoying themselves and, and they really feel like they yearn for somebody, then they’ll start to try new things.
[00:33:40] But if they don’t feel like that, and they’re really early to it, then they, they probably not had enough pain yet to change.
[00:33:48] Ksenia Droben: Yeah, true. The problem is another problem with pain, you know, pain, pains and gains, uh, in terms of dating, uh, people who really struggle in their dating life, they forget that, uh, their new dating partners, they are not psychotherapist.
[00:34:02] They go to the dates and tell the stories about their previous relationship, what went wrong and how the previous partner were wrong and how they struggle and what. Oh. You know, they really forget and, you know, I always try to explain
[00:34:18] Adam Stott: this. It’s irrelevant what happened in the past is in the past. It shouldn’t be speaking about what happened with your ex partners.
[00:34:24] Absolutely irrelevant. And, uh, yeah. Not, not,
[00:34:27] Ksenia Droben: not really, because we learn from our relationship, like, like the business. We learn from all the, even, even if we failed in, uh, in, uh, several businesses, we still learn something from every of them. You
[00:34:38] Adam Stott: should reflect personally. I agree with that. And you should reflect personally and understand and analyze, but if you go on a date, you want to be done, want to be telling everyone, Oh yeah, I was in this relationship and it all went wrong.
[00:34:51] Absolutely. All you’re doing is negative branding, right? Yeah. Yeah. I
[00:34:55] Ksenia Droben: had the situation where the guy came to the single party and told women how much money he spent for his previous ex, ex girlfriend. And, and. Women came to me and said, you know, Xenia, he spent so much money for her. And my question was, why?
[00:35:11] What’s the point to tell other women to tell new women about money?
[00:35:16] Adam Stott: He obviously thinks that that’s his, uh, his unique advantage that if they get with him, he’s going to spend loads of money on him. He obviously likes to control women with money. That’s his, probably his game, isn’t it? All right. Yeah. So it’s probably one to avoid ladies.
[00:35:29] Ksenia Droben: Yeah. Again, again, that flag. Yeah. Um, what, uh, what are the. If you, uh, interview or if you speak to their, um, business owners, what are red flags for you as business coach?
[00:35:45] Adam Stott: In terms of,
[00:35:46] Ksenia Droben: in terms of business now? Business? Yeah. And I will relate it to this. Yeah. Just,
[00:35:49] Adam Stott: just, just business. Yeah. Um, what do you mean in terms of a, uh, a mental mentality?
[00:35:54] Ksenia Droben: Yeah. Mentality. So, for example, you have some meeting and like, uh, you always doing these pre events and you ask questions and people tell some stories about what they do. Is there anything? Yeah, there is
[00:36:06] Adam Stott: a mindset with people that I think living in the past is a, is a really bad trait. Um, I think it, it’s a, it’s something that people get stuck in.
[00:36:16] It’s something that they’re not consciously aware of. They don’t realize that they’re living there. But if somebody is stuck in the past and they’re constantly talking about what happened and they’re using the past to dictate what will happen in the future. So just like, yeah, but this is how it went and it went like this and that’s what it was like.
[00:36:33] And they’re constantly referring back to that. And there, and this, what this comes down to is what we call frame of reference. People that have a frame of reference for the future, their frame of reference is usually that they are an action taker because they want to create their frame of references.
[00:36:49] This is my, so if you imagine it like a movie. When they make decisions, they go to the movie in the future that shows them being more successful, doing great things, enjoying their life, getting what they want. And if they’re a future based person and they’re using the future as the frame of reference, they’re much more likely to say yes and take action based on things because they’re looking at the future.
[00:37:11] Now the problem is, is a lot of people don’t do that. Their frame of reference is the past. So when they go to make their decision, they make the decision based on the past rather than what can be in the future. So you always have to look at yourself and say, where’s my frame of reference? Is my frame of reference moving towards where I can be, what I can accomplish, what I can do, what I could have, where I could be, what I could enjoy, or is my frame of reference based on trying to keep me safe so I don’t suffer pain like I did in the past?
[00:37:41] And you mentioned pain again, this is, okay. The the gain of the future or the past. Now, the problem is 68 percent of people. Most people are moved towards the negative rather than towards the positive. Now, the problem with that, whether it’s dating or whether it is because this is where the problem lies.
[00:38:01] Do people that have got a frame of reference in the past? Do they meet people? Course they do, right? Do they go out and do they get into relationships? Course they do. But the problem is like attracts like. So the problem is if they’re looking to the past, they’re looking to the negative, they’re looking, they’re probably going to find and build a relationship with someone that’s also looking to the past.
[00:38:21] So what they end up is they end up in these relationships and these toxic relationships where you’ve got two negative people together. Creating the mega negative, right? Whereas if you’re more a future based person, you’re looking and you’re more likely to attract somebody that’s ambitious, that wants to go to the future and wants to do things.
[00:38:38] So I actually think the personal development of saying, Hey, how can I become great? How can I do great things? How can I have a great life? You’re going to attract someone that wants to go on that journey with you. And that would be why I would encourage you to start looking at your frame of reference.
[00:38:53] So one of the things that I would. Say to people, whether it’s business, whether it’s relationships, is where do you wanna be in a year? Where do you wanna be in two years? Where do you wanna be in three years? What do you want your life to look like? If you could design it and you could not fail, what would that actually look like?
[00:39:09] You know, and start to really tap into, you know, if you can create a picture, what does the picture of you in two years time look like? How does it feel when you are there? What do you say to yourself? What do you see? What is that amazing picture of your future going to look like? And you want people to be able to answer those questions and go into that future because they can’t go into the future.
[00:39:34] They’re stuck in the past. And if they’re stuck in the past, they’re just going to repeat the past and they’re not going to design and live a satisfying life.
[00:39:42] Ksenia Droben: Thank you so much for this answer, because it’s really very useful, not only for business owners who will listen and watch us now, but for all single people who struggle with their life and cannot find a way out.
[00:39:56] Adam Stott: Brilliant. Well, look, I’ve really, really enjoyed it. I know we’re going to do a lot more on this because the synergy between business and relationships really, really helps people to understand, you know, what can I do to improve their life on the whole. If you’ve enjoyed this episode, make sure you tell us.
[00:40:10] In the comments. What do you think about some of the things we discussed so far about building a brand about dating relationships about understanding how to look to the future rather than to look to the past and tell us a little bit in the comments. But really, really good to hear. And look, I can’t wait to do another episode with you.
[00:40:26] It’s been amazing. Listen, I’ve really enjoyed your question. And look, we’ll look forward to the next episode. People want to get in touch with you. Where’s the best place for them to go? If they want, if they want you to come into their life and help them find the perfect partner, where would they go and connect with you, Ksenia?
[00:40:41] Ksenia Droben: They can find me everywhere. If you’re everywhere, if you’re, if you’re right, Ksenia Drobin, I’m on all possible and possible social platform except Reddit.
[00:40:50] Adam Stott: And which one do you, which one do you use the most?
[00:40:53] Ksenia Droben: Uh, Instagram, Facebook and TikTok.
[00:40:56] Adam Stott: Okay, so go over, uh, find Ksenia on Instagram. It’s, uh, how do I spell the surname?
[00:41:02] Uh, Ksenia Drobin. Ksenia Drobin, right? Yeah. Uh, D R O B E N, yeah? Yeah. Yeah, good stuff. Go and check her out on Instagram. Uh, she’s incredible. Uh, one of our amazing clients and she’s got so much value to add in terms of building relationships and helping people. We’ll see you on the next episode of business growth secrets.
[00:41:21] Hi everybody, Adam here, and I hope you loved today’s episode. Hope you thought it was fabulous. And if you did, I’d like to ask you a small favor. Could you jump over and go and give the podcast a review? Of course, I’ll be super grateful if that is a five star review. We’re putting our all into this podcast for you.
[00:41:39] Okay. Delivering you the content, giving you the secrets. And if you’ve enjoyed it, please go and give us a new review and talk about what your favorite episode is. Perhaps every single month I select someone from that review list to come to one of my exclusive Academy days and have lunch with me on the day, meeting hundreds of my clients.
[00:41:58] So if you want that to be you, then you’re going to be in with a shout. If you go and give us a review on iTunes, please, of course, do remember to subscribe so you can get all the up to date episodes. Peace and love and I’ll see you very very soon. Thank you.