Episode 261: Quality Matchmaking with Paul C. Brunson
In another one of our throw-back episodes where we bring you back matchmaker, Paul C. Brunson. In this special episode, Paul C. Brunson talks with Adam Stott about the importance of creating meaningful relationships and being a matchmaker.
Paul is a serial entrepreneur, television host, and columnist whose specialty lies in teaching others professional and social skills. An internationally recognized expert in interpersonal relationships, personal development, and entrepreneurship, Paul currently serves as a featured business columnist for USA Today, co-host of UK’s Celebs Go Dating television show, and host of the Better with Paul podcast and event series.
Show Highlights:
- How Paul made ends meet when he was starting his career in New York
- How Paul’s non-profit charity for children unintentionally led him into matchmaking
- What glaring observations Paul had in his first matchmaker conference
- Oprah Winfrey’s discovery of Paul’s content that led to a lot of opportunities
- Having the courage on using his wife’s savings to create their company
- The importance of testing the market
- Paul’s obsession with creating high-quality content for his marketing
- Content is KING
- Showing up on new platforms in building a brand
- How Paul creates meaningful relationships and treats them as an investment
- Why Paul’s involvement with Celebs Go Dating prevented him and his family from living in Jamaica
Links Mentioned:
You can find out more about Paul C. Brunson on Instagram or LinkedIn
Transcript:
Please note this is a verbatim transcription from the original audio and therefore may include some minor grammatical errors.
Adam Stott:
I’m really excited today to have Paul Brunson with us, who is the star of the show Celebs Go Dating, and also, I think the upcoming Married at First Sight as well. So some great stuff coming there. But more interestingly, certainly for our audience as well, in addition to all of that, is that Paul’s got a massive track record in entrepreneurship. 00:30 for relationships, I think it’s gonna deliver some massive value to. So I’m really looking forward to this podcast episode one I’ve been super excited about. So welcome, Paul. How you doing, buddy?
Paul Brunson:
I’m feeling really good. Really good to be here. And quite honestly, I love talking about business. I love talking about relationships, I think we’ll have an opportunity to talk about both.
Adam Stott:
Absolutely. So obviously a very well-known from celebs go dating, and obviously the upcoming married first sign. And you’ve done lots of TV, lots of radio and media USA Today. But what some people might not know about you is about the entrepreneurship side. And the fact that you’ve been involved in founding and execute free businesses, as well as the fact that you’ve worked on the billionaires and worked alongside billionaires, and you’ve got massive track record in business. So I wanted to dig into that. Is it possible to get a BS story from you porters with your background, and maybe what we haven’t seen on the TV so we can get to understand from you, you know, what your background as to all the TV, the major in the phone came in?
Paul Brunson:
You know what I really appreciate that question. Because, in particular, in the UK, I think, you know, I’m known as this like love, you know, just relationships matchmaker, right?
Adam Stott:
Absolutely.
Paul Brunson:
It’s really interesting, because depending on what country and city you go to, I may have a different brain, right? The reason why I say that is because so you know, I grew up in New York, but I always wanted to be a businessman. You know, you know growing up in Queens, Jamaica, Queens, being next to close to Harlem and Brooklyn, it was a lot of just people hustling legally and illegally. But it was a lot of entrepreneurs. It what’s fascinating is you know, so I grew up on hip hop. And I, Adam, you must be you must be 02:21
Adam Stott:
02:25 certainly from New York was one of our favorite artists,
Paul Brunson:
02:33 was really interesting. So literally, my neighborhood was Curtis Jackson 50 cent came out of my neighborhood. But you bet he was close by the whole thing was, it was a really interesting seeing hip hop at that time. Because hip hop were basically hip hop artists, rappers, who wanted to be business people. They wanted to be entrepreneurs. So they were just doing the hip hop as like a side hustle, so that they could launch businesses. That was really the point. So that’s what I learned at an early age was you could use media and entertainment and flip it into business. Right?
So you fast forward, I got a good leg in business. So a lot of people don’t realize I went to one of the best business schools in the world, Georgetown, right. Got my business degree there. I then left I was an investment banker for a number of years, I was an equity analyst, you know, have my CFA series seven brokerage license. So all of that was under my belt. I then got the best job in the world working for at that time. He wasn’t a billionaire. But it was a very wealthy Turkish family. And I manage all of their investments in the United States, right.
So they’re based in Turkey did a lot of their business there, but they wanted to build assets in the United States. And I advised on that. Then from there, I started moonlighting right when I say moonlighting is you know, I’m Jamaican, so you got to have at least 10 jobs when good job is never enough, right?
So I created a nonprofit organization that provided test preparation, so we tutor kids with math and science and that kind of thing. And what was interesting is that nonprofit group, it became we had about a million dollar annual revenue as a nonprofit, which is not bad. It’s like a side hustle. And what ends up happening with that is that’s what led me the matchmaking believe it or not, because I had a summer camp, and I was at the summer camp. So this is the government nonprofit, and was checking in all the students in realizing that one of these kids had two parents in their household. Right. And so it led me to start thinking about what could be done To create more nuclear families, right?
Adam Stott:
Really interesting work when you say nuclear family, just reading a book of the mind, we’ll come back to that pretty interesting, you know, reading a book on that in a minute.
Paul Brunson:
Cool. And so I became so enthralled by that. I went back to the Joe’s the family and turned him and said, Hey, you know, I think I’m going to leave and go pursue this matchmaking thing. You know, and this is also a great lesson on relationships is that I didn’t burn the bridge, right? I told them, and then I still spent almost another year working in the organization, so that I can leave it in the best circumstance possible, right?
Adam Stott:
Presumably, you’ve done your business degree, you’re in a really great place. Sounds like you got an awesome opportunity, working with his Turkish family and investments. Where did you find the courage to just go you know what, this is what I want to do. Because I think a lot of people struggle with that a lot of people can’t follow. You know, is that just something that you’re passionate about? Do you think because how did that come around?
Paul Brunson:
You know, this is interesting, because this is this whole, you know, discussion on, like, Do you follow passion? So here’s how I looked at it in my life, and everyone’s life is different. Early in my career, I was following the check. It was about the cash. The dollar bills go, like, that’s it. That’s what it was, quite honestly.
And then from there, I moved to following skill. What can I do to build skill? And then from there, I moved to credibility. What did I need to do to partner with people to give me more credibility? So therefore, I look and I say, Okay, I have a little bit of money, skill, and credibility.
Now, I can take all of those and apply it to my passion. Right. And that’s really what it was. It was me saying, Okay, I have this unique skill set, you know, because I’ll never forget the moment I decided to become a matchmaker. I was sitting at a matchmaker conference. And I think it had them you love this is I wasn’t even there to become a matchmaker, you know, where I was 07:10 no I wasn’t even a bunch. So this was when I was still working for the Turkish family still managing the investments. I had run the summer camp so I started to think about this idea of matchmaking. I decided to go to this conference. To sell my, I wanted to license an idea that I had matchmaker. I was not there to become a matchmaker at all.
And I’m sitting in the back of this room, Adam, it’s 250 of the world’s top matchmakers. And I look around and I say, there’s nobody here. That’s a man. Like, it’s all women in the room. It’s all women. And then I said, There’s no one here under the age of 40. Right at the time, I was under the age of 40. I was like, wow, the youngest guy in here, right? And I’m the only guy in here. And I looked at I said, I’m the only person of color in this room. You know what I mean?
So I kept looking at all of these spaces, all of these areas saying, This is what makes me different. And I think this is also very important point is that I think a lot of us look at what makes us different than we try to minimize. I looked at all the places that made me different. I said, oh, wow, this will give me a unique perspective. Yeah, in this industry.
Adam Stott:
And be able to attract so much broader sort of client, and actually bring people in to do something that they’re not done before. Because it’s awesome.
Paul Brunson:
Yeah, absolutely. You can create new markets, you know what I mean? So it was at that conference that I flipped into, I don’t want to just sell an idea, I would actually be the idea. And that’s literally when I started the whole, okay, I’m going to leave working for the Turkish family.
So then long story short is I launched the matchmaking business. That in itself is a is a big story, because my wife liquidated her retirement fund, you know, we’ve doubled down on this business. And when we launched the business, we launched it as a video series to basically as our marketing campaign. And within less than four weeks of, of launching this this video, the Oprah Winfrey Network reached out.
Adam Stott:
Yeah because I saw about Oprah Winfrey.
Paul Brunson:
Yeah. Which was incredible. And it was validation. When I say with you know, all these entrepreneurs that I mentor is that, you know, what’s interesting is, is that you have good idea that you’re passionate about you launch the idea. And then so many of us just keep hitting our head against the wall, right? It’s important to look for signs of validation along the way, right? Are people positively talking about your idea? Are people reaching out to you blogs, podcasts reaching out, right, you know, Oprah reaching out was met validation around the business.
Adam Stott:
Yeah, absolutely.
Paul Brunson:
So instead of saying, okay, Oprah reached out, let me just have a TV career. I said, No, what that means is I’ve now reached the point that I wanted to be when I was a little boy watching those rappers, I can now use the media side, to build my business to become my own entrepreneur. Yeah. And that’s exactly what we did is we got a show with Oprah. But I say week because you know, my wife is supporting, she’s a co-founder of the business.
Adam Stott:
And also, you know, you said very, very quickly, but I think it’s worth pointing out, that opportunity didn’t come without the risk, you know, because if you take out risk, you know, you take an opportunity. And you said that you liquidate retirement funds, you had to back yourself, and I think a lot of people, because if you, when you tell the story like this, which is, you know, you’re going upwards, you’re creating, a lot of people miss these little things. In the you know, you have the back your soul, you know, you’ve got the idea, you want to go and push it forward, and you back yourself, that’s when it’s going to come. And obviously, you create something of real quality. Otherwise, you won’t have someone like Oprah Winfrey, reaching out.
So how did you create something of real quality was that? How did that how did you really want work on that together? Or is that something you just said? why it has to be the best or you just hold your hand? So it wasn’t naturals at learn what happened there?
Paul Brunson:
I’m not trying to guess you were? It was a brilliant question. That’s a brilliant question because there’s a whole story behind how we connected with Oprah. And it’s exactly about what you’re saying. It’s about quality over quantity. And let me tell you, because I think you’ll love it, given that you love it.
So when I go back to the conference, right, I decided to become a matchmaker. And then I said, Okay, I’m gonna spend the next year basically removing myself for working for the Turkish family. within that same year, what we also decided to do is okay, I now need to learn the art and skill of becoming a matchmaker. Right?
You know, matchmaking is the second oldest profession in the world. Right? Right behind prostitution. Prostitution bid matchmakers right. So it’s been around forever, but there’s an actual skill, and there’s an art to it. So I spent a year, went back to school for social psychology, did an internship under the top, the person I consider to be the top matchmaker in the world, Rachel Greenwald’s Harvard MBA, who became a matchmaker, start reading every book I could, like, did everything I could. And this is so important for entrepreneurs, is I created my product, create a launch service. And what I did is I then needed to test product market fit is so important.
One reason why businesses fail is because of that lack of capital, not 14, it’s because of no market need. So I decided, Okay, let me test this idea that I have. And I decided to test it for free. So I decided to identify dozens and dozens of people, that we as this new company that we created, would provide the highest quality service to them for free.
Now, here’s what happened. I had no clue. But it turns out that one of the people that we had given this free service to was a writer for us, Oprah Winfrey magazine, the old magazine. And then one year later, when we decided to start now offering our services, and we now launched the video, Oprah’s on her plane, private jet, you know, the PGA. And she’s talking openly to everyone on the plane about how she wants to launch a new show. She’s looking for a new voice and relationships. The woman that we had provided service to who we had no idea worked for that, you know, oh, magazine says, Hey, have you heard of Paul Brunson? And Oprah goes to YouTube. And she finds a video of me now.
This series I launched Adam, you could go Google this right or you go to YouTube, right? It’s called the modern day, matchmaker. That’s the video series, we launched a book similar to that thing. Yeah. Yes, absolutely. Now, the modern day Matchmaker, every week, we will put out this video, we pumped in 1000s of dollars, like I was. I mean, I was doing everything I could to make sure it was the highest quality at the time, right? Yeah, it would only get like 10 views. Literally, yeah, put out another video.
Adam Stott:
14:39 just think that it’s relevant to so many people that are trying to do this. Yeah, the problem is, you know, imagine you didn’t lose heart and you kept going, and you have to have this out there. But suddenly, people are going to get some views and they’re gonna go on being quite worried and get maybe they do two or three days of work, but you’ve got that consistent. You never know, this is 14:59 people, if you’ve got 10 views, it doesn’t matter if one of those is the view, there’s going to be the person that’s going to blow you up.
Paul Brunson:
You’re preaching right now. Out of those 10 views, one of them was Oprah. You’re going to be what she said, if she said, Wow, I love your consistency. I love your attention to detail. I love the quality, I love what you’re saying. So she looked at all of these weeks’ worth of videos. And she said, Wow, this guy is king, like no views. Look consistently. He believes what he’s saying.
So then I was invited into to the party. So that’s how I got the gig. Right. And so to your point, it’s all about quality. And very rarely is it about quantity.
Adam Stott:
Yeah, nice. Well, I think that is a major inspiring story. The reason I think that that’s inspiring is this, so many people that lose on, they do lose on this. I always say it’s about conversations, more conversation, chat more opportunities you’re going to get so that’s awesome. And then what happened to the show, and it just blew up to a different level?
Paul Brunson:
No it was disastrous man. This has been a 12-year grind like, Yeah, because what happened is is at the time, that was right, when the Oprah Winfrey Network launched, we were one of the shows on the network. People couldn’t even find the network. The show ended. We didn’t get greenlit for another series. But yeah, I never quit.
Adam Stott:
Which is what you said earlier. Right?
Paul Brunson:
Exactly. I viewed myself as an entrepreneur. I used television as a commercial. And so we continue to work on the business, work on the business, work on the business. Fast forward, 10 years later, yeah, nine years, we were able to sell the business. He had built the largest matchmaking company in the United States.
My wife and I then sold the business now, while we were doing all over that nine, almost 10 years, I always did some television work, right? I always did some TV work. Why? Because I think that TV, not just TV content. We live in you know this, you do this very well. This is what you do right now, right? We live in a day and age where it’s about content marketing, content, marketing, whether it’s on television, whether it’s on a podcast, whether it’s an IG video, whether it’s writing, content is king. And so I realized that, you know, television was an important vehicle around content, but I couldn’t just stop it TV.
So that’s when I started, you know, started writing. That’s when I started, you know, pushing hard on social media. Right? You know, the whole idea is that, you know, you have to if you’re creating a business, it’s all about No, like interest. But with so many people on this is that they don’t show up on new platforms to create the note. Right? So you know, I’ll talk to people all the time, and they’ll say, Hey, I’m trying to build my brand. And I say, Okay, what are you doing? They say, Well, I’m posting every day on IG and posting on LinkedIn. What, if you’re doing that,
Adam Stott:
You actually don’t know how can help someone, right.
Paul Brunson:
But also, you’re only showing up on your platform, you’re only showing up in front of people who already know you. So it’s important that you pick new platforms, where people have no idea who you are. And perhaps the demographic or the avatar fits the avatar that you’re going after. And you show up on those platforms, you pull them to your platform. So they’re platforms, you create the note on your platforms, you create the light, and trust. Also, for me, TV is me creating note, right I show up people like, I’ve never heard of this.
Adam Stott:
That’s the best, isn’t it? That is the best. Without a doubt. I did a TV show recently, it just blew up, you know, the amount of the amount of increased now was unbelievable. The amount of people were attracted and the audience we attract. It was huge. It was so beneficial. So beneficial. So it really does sound I think a lot of people forget this kind of journey, you know, and they don’t see it because they just see you pop up on TV one day, but they don’t see what’s happened behind the scenes. How did that come about? So you got pulled into the UK, you know, on the UK TV show? How did that come around that what was the story with that?
Paul Brunson:
Yeah, that was also a story of you know, depending on if you believe in, you know, vision and like do you believe in manifesting all that because So, after we sold the business, you know, my wife and I, we sold it for an undisclosed amount, but it was a little over a million US dollars. So we had some cash, you know what I mean? And we decided that we were going to go to Jamaica for three months. So we pulled our boys out of school. So we have two sons, a seven-year-old and a 10-year-old. We said, Hey, we’ll homeschool them, we’re going to pull them out. Between July, August and September, we’re going to go to Jamaica, see if we like it. If we like it, we’ll just live in live out in Jamaica, right?
It just so happens, that manager got a call, you know, so every maybe two to three weeks, my manager will get a call from someone to say, hey, we’d love Paul to do a project A, B, or C. Right. And so, but rarely does it pan out. But rarely does it ever, like really materialized. am I interested? Does it really have like, you know, so he got a call and said, Hey, Paul, there’s opportunity out in the UK, they’re looking for a, you know, a co-host, you know, the UK? And I was like, what is it? He said it would be July? In September?
Adam Stott:
Yeah. Well, I think one of the things that entrepreneurs struggle with is their relationships, you know, and especially with their spouses, their wives, whether it’s a husband or a wife, or a partner, girlfriend, boyfriend, you know that they struggle with that, because opportunities like this happen, right? And, you know, a lot of the time, I’m a big believer in saying yes to opportunities. And of course, it looks like you said yes. Right, because that’s how you open the doors right?
Now, I’ve definitely found that along the way, a lot of entrepreneurs and for what everything that I’ve read, you seem like you have a great relationship, you have a massive amount of sincerity, you know, you talk about your wife a lot, don’t even when you’re on TV, you reference and your family, which is think’s really important. I think, actually, it’s why a lot of people are really attracted to what you do, and you know, five with it, right? But what happens when, how do you keep the spouse happy when an opportunity comes up?
Paul Brunson:
That is a major question. And that’s why it’s so important to know what you value most in life. Right. So let me even go back to the Oprah story real quick. That’s the moment that solidified that I need to follow my values, because I did. When I got the Oprah Winfrey deal. It was a TV show that shot in a different state than we were living in.
We just had our first son. So literally, we have our first son. And then three months later, I have to now leave almost two months, and move to another state. And the shooting schedule was so tight, that we would not see each other for two months. So here I am, in my mind, I think I value family, I always tell everybody I value family and religion. This is what I’m telling myself. Then I pick up in I basically moved to another state, after my wife has just given birth to her first child, right.
And literally, when she dropped me off at the airport, I just start crying. It hit me in that moment, that I was not living my values. It was the point of living. But unless you are living your values, that’s what gives you high self-esteem and high self-love. That’s what makes you think that you’re making the right decisions versus the wrong decisions. It’s all about your values, knowing your values, and then making sure that you are feeding, right.
So it was the best in the worst of times film shooting that show because I was aware I felt guilty. It was terrible. To at the end of that project, the moment that my wife and she comes in, you know, with our boy with our son, Kingston. The moment that I saw that, we agreed that we would never be apart for longer than 10 days. Right? We said that no matter what opportunities come up. If it is 10 days or longer, we go together, or we say no. Right?
Now, that takes a lot of sacrifice, because you have to think how do you create a family structure that allows you to do that? That’s one of the reasons why we pulled our boys out of school to homeschool, which a lot of people said you’re crazy. Like I’ve spent my life Adam, literally the last 15 years of my life have been people calling me crazy. And it’s just now in the last maybe four years that people say I’m really. For 15 you’re crazy. Paul, you’re what? You’re going to quit investment banking and go work for a Turkish family. You’re crazy. What you’re gonna quit working for The Turkish Israeli you get to become a matchmaker, you’re crazy. What you’re going to double down on your business and your, your TV career, you’re crazy. You can move.
Adam Stott:
At first they laugh at you, then they mock you, then they ridicule you, then they think what’s going on? And they think then they accept you, then they admire you.
Paul Brunson:
And they did like literally a bit 25:25 and so long story short, it’s like, when that job when the opportunity came to come to the UK, it wasn’t even a discussion. We just knew we go together. Yeah.
Adam Stott:
And you pushed into it. Like, I remember watching it, you know, as I said, I’m saying the show, because I know Gemma, well know James, and other people. Funnily enough, I know, Dan, who was on the show, dating Gemma, so a lot of these people. But you kind of breezed into that show, in a very smooth way, where I think anyone would recognize that.
But I think that’s the journey, isn’t it? I think that’s the journey. And that’s what I think a lot of people forget, is, you know, the business degree they’re working on that building a business that lived in the probate didn’t quite work out, right. You know, it was not the way you wanted it to. All those things preparing you for this opportunity. You didn’t take it very much in your stride. And you, you kind of added value, I think, nothing anyone would agree with that. When you came in, you actually added a lot of value. You seem to understand relationships at a different level, to what I think was on it before. And I think that’s probably what’s made you really popular, isn’t it? And the way you’ve actually dealt with the big personalities has been very good. How’s that been for you?
Paul Brunson:
That’s much respect. I mean, one thing also that I’m learning in life is to take a moment and appreciate when someone is appreciating something about you know what you do. And so I appreciate I truly do appreciate that. When I came into flips, go dating, I made sure that I never watched a previous episode loss, the same thing actually, with married at first sight, like they will everyone was saying watch married at first sight Australia watching.
Adam Stott:
For the Australia 27:07 so I think you’d be brilliant on it. And I think it’d be really good.27:16
Paul Brunson:
Actually, you’d be brilliant. We should talk about that series. We just talked about the casting, too. So we like the real fruit we talked about. But I don’t watch it not out of any level of disrespect. It’s because it brings something new. Exactly. And so I had never watched it right. So when I came in, because I have no clue of what it’s supposed to be, I can now create what I am. You know what I mean? In the funniest way I think you’ll find this funny.
So we get into the show. And you know, unfortunately, my co-hosts had to leave during that first season. So I had to finish out, I did half the series by myself hosting. And I’ll never forget the end of the series, because we go away every week, all the celebs like to some Island or whatever. And we’re in the airport while sitting there.
So it’s a bunch of these celebs. And I was like, man, that was, that was a wild experience. I won’t name the two because I love them to death, but I won’t name them. But then two of them were like, yeah, I can’t wait to do blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then I said, wait, hold on for a second. Like, this wasn’t like this intense experience for you. Because for me like it was crazy. They literally looked at me. And they said, Paul, you mean you weren’t acting? And I said, No, who was it? Were you were you acting? And he said, Oh my god, I had no clue. I was like, I was like, No, I wasn’t acting. Everything I was saying was like from my heart like I was really trying to be there helping you know what I mean?
And in that was the moment where he hit that. I realized that line between reality structures where there’s some real there’s some kind of, you know, scripted fun.
Adam Stott:
29:35 And stuff that I’ve watched most coming with a series hat on the day, you know, would you say so cool?
Paul Brunson:
Yes, but also, this is where I think Anna Williamson has done an incredible job. This is where I think I’ve been able to add some value is that by the time I then came into the next series, one thing that we made clear Is that the agency? Isn’t theirs? We don’t act in the agency. Yeah, it’s real. Come with your truth.
Adam Stott:
I think you did that a lot on the one I watched recently because it’s, for example, you know, you saw called him out in you, not in a bad way, but you just like, it’s play right?
Paul Brunson:
Kurdish is my little bro, I love the Kurdish like literally love that dude. And the whole idea is, and this is where I would get sometimes, you know, frustrated with some of the celebs because I would say, when 30:35 I show up in this agency, we because we do this in real life. So we do the same preparation that we would do in real life. We come we do research on your attachment, psychology. And so when we come in, it’s not a game. Yeah, we could laugh. We’re actually here to help you.
And there’s a moment that every celebrity every celebrity has, sometimes it’s the first day they come in. Unfortunately, for some, it’s when they’re leaving, where they realize, wow, these two are not playing. They’re actually here to support me, you know. And to that point, we are in touch, I will say, I’m in touch with every celeb. Nearly every 85% of the celebrities, who will still from four series ago, messaged me and say, Paul, what do you think about this? Or, you know, I’m going through this.
Adam Stott:
31:31 mentor, you know, proper coach is more than just, it’s a relationship that goes on? Because you care about the results, right? Yeah, absolutely. And you do care about the results, even if they’re not working with you, or, you know, you still want to see that person succeed. Because you spend that time with him in a film that’s really important. Really interesting.
You know, when you go you get some people come in, it has to be in that place where they actually want that end result. Like they have to be in a position where they are coachable, right? Oh, yeah. I mean, you get to choose some of these coach boards, you get presented with someone that’s like, you know, they’re there because they want to be on TV, or they want this for their career. Or they’re there because actually, they’ve got a problem with relationships. You know, as I said, I was reading, you mentioned a nuclear family. And it was really interesting, funnily enough, called the truth by Neil Strauss. So then if you’ve ever read it.
Paul Brunson:
I actually know Neil. He wrote the game.
Adam Stott:
Yeah the brilliant book, many years ago, brilliant book. But actually, this new book is an I already enjoys writing, because I’ve actually read the Jenna Jamison book, The I don’t know if you’ve read that. I have it. That is an amazing book. I really enjoy writing. I was reading about this. And it’s really interesting, because he went into rehab for relationships, right? That’s what like, literally, because the guy would have messed him up so much that he’s going into rehab because you can’t have a normal relationship. And they talk about like a love avoidant, and a love addict. Right. And they say obviously, the love avoidant is someone that’s avoiding it, they don’t really want it, you know, they haven’t, like consciously unscented; you get a lot of that, where people are just not wanting to do that at that stage. You know?
Paul Brunson:
Yeah. I mean, absolutely. You know, when it comes to TV, you have a myriad of motivations. And I think that it’s like, it’s intellectually dishonest to think anyone shows up on TV, unaware that they’re on TV, and there’s a platform that comes with it. Yeah, of course.
Adam Stott:
So even having said that, do you feel the mastery of it? Which I think is an interesting question. He’s to show up and be yourself as much as you possibly can.
Paul Brunson:
Yeah, absolutely. Currently, you know, shooting this married at first sight, which, right now, I’ll go on the record for this. I think it’s going to be one of the biggest shows ever to hit the UK. It’s, it’s so explosive. The content is so raw. It’s so raw. And I was actually talking to my wife about this about what makes it such like, good television. It’s because what you just said. The cast is aware that they’re on a television show. But this is their first time all of their for some being on TV.
So when you get someone who is their first time being on TV, they actually very quickly forget that cameras around them. They forget that they’re able might gone, they forget that there’s a whole production, they completely forget that, especially when you have heightened pressure of you’re married to a stranger like all that right.
And so what ends up happening with this show is you see their true personality, to the point where when everyone comes in, they go through various psychological studies. In the psychological studies, we’ll know. Okay, are you exploitive? Are you manipulative? Are you narcissistic, like, we know all of these Right. Yeah, Adam, I’m telling you, it all plays out like clockwork, you see, the person who is tested for being manipulative, you know, you’re a leader. They’ll show up, and they’ll start manipulating and trying to lead the pack. Like, it just happens.
But it happens because they are allowing themselves to be their authentic selves.
Adam Stott:
Nice. So you can’t wait 35:22 is going to be amazing. We’ve been chatting for an hour and 10 minutes; put a finger on the station so much. And, you know, I think one last question, I’d love to get over to Paul, he’s just what tip would you give for a business owner for going out and building better relationships? Or how do they take out the short term view? And look at the long term view, because the value I feel in relationships is for the longer term.
So sometimes you say in the minute that a lot of people are looking for a transactional relationship? Where do you get I get more, I’d say you get whatever, was really, you know, for me what I would like, I think, to get your expert opinion, because as you are in this area, he’s the expert. You know, that’s right. I don’t know whether you’d agree with one section. But the way I always try to look at the relationship in business is from a long term view. But how do I build something that in the long term, I don’t get anything in the marketing mind, you know, but what happens in the long term is where the value is, I feel. So what would you say it’s what’s your opinion on how people can build better relationships in business?
Paul Brunson:
Yeah, I absolutely agree with you, that it is about the long term people, we are too transactional. But thinking about that framework, I say, look at it, like a bank account, with interest, because I’m really what it is a bank account with interest, when you are adding value to someone, which means you’re helping that person get closer to their goal. And maybe you’re coaching them, maybe you’re posting a video that just gives them insight, whatever it is, you’re helping people get closer to the goal, what you do is you’re actually placing a deposit, you’re putting a deposit into that account.
And as you continue to put deposits into that account, not only do your deposits add up, but then you start to get interest. So therefore, and the key is not necessarily start making withdrawals all the time. The key is that you want to make as many deposits as possible, as consistently as possible. And what you’ll notice is that as you mature in your career, like so where I am, I still feel like, you know, a young in the game, but I’m a little bit more mature and 15 years, basically into my career.
I was thinking about this the other day, you know that 100% of my business that I transmit, whether it be speaking, whether it be launching a new company, advising getting on TV, it all comes from our relationships, it’s all my relationships, I spend all day on Zooms in and phone calls, it’s all relationships, some I’m cashing in from five years ago, from 10 years ago.
Others are now making massive deposits in because I know it’s a long term game in 10 years, I can need it or better yet, maybe in 15 years or 20 years, maybe I can never make that withdrawal. Withdrawal comes to my son know what I mean? Maybe comes from my grandkids who are not even here yet. So I’m complete with you. It’s about it’s a long term looking into long term and I say look at it like a bank account. And you were adding interest along the way.
Adam Stott:
Beautiful way to, you know, to somehow and you know, without a shadow of a doubt. I think this is one of the best podcasts interviews that are offered. It’s gonna be great. People gonna love it. So big thank you. There’s a massive amount of value in here for everyone. If you haven’t already subscribed, you can subscribe to the podcast hit us up for five star review and a big thank you to Paul. You’ve been amazing.